Selfish'
by Flashpoint321
Summary: I am branching this Fic from one of my favorite episodes: 'Guilt'. Olivia & Alex venture out on some tumultuous situations, yet manage to come together where their undaunting love can NOT be broken....or can it? Come find out! Comments & reviews!
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER:** I own none of the characters from Law and Order, not Mariska, not Chris, not Stephanie, not Dann, not Ice, not Richard, not Judith….all I got to my name is a scratch off lottery ticket where I won a buck! WooHooooo!! Dollar & a dream *sigh*……

Originally this story was created to be kind of an extended one shot…._but_ if you guys like it and want me to continue, I will….P.S. I need to finish _Reflection_…I'm at a standstill with that one….anyway you will see that I branch this story from "Guilt" (one of my favorite episodes). Enjoy and please review!!

**Flashback**

In a small hallway just outside of Cragen's office, Olivia lurks near the water cooler as she pretends not to listen to yet another heated debate Alex is having with the Captain over Roy Barnett, a child predator the SVU team is so desperately trying to put away. Never has a case brought so much tension to the squad, and Olivia will be glad when it's all over. As she cautiously peeks her head around the corner and presses her ear to the door, it flies open with such force it causes Olivia to hurl backwards. Barely hanging on, she quickly pulls herself back into the hallway hiding from the two. Olivia watches the tall blond ADA storm away from Cragen, and can hear her elevated and awkwardly sexy voice boom: "_He is as bad as his client! Hoping the victim is too traumatized to testify. He's lucky I didn't knock his teeth down his throat!" _ Olivia places a hand over her mouth and can't help but chuckle. She loves the large pair of balls Alex shows around the precint from time to time. She's glad to see that after the incident that took place in the bullpen just a couple of days ago, Alex has restored her fire and confidence. She watches as Cragen steps into the hallway looking after Alex, and he mutters just over his own breath seeming somewhat amused: "_I'd pay real money to see that". _

Although spunky and full of vigor, Alex is much calmer and level headed today than she was two days ago when she was arguing relentlessly with the squad. She got under the skin of Elliott, like a bad splinter. Olivia heads to the locker room and recounts the days past events and wonders if Elliott will ever lift the grudge she knows he is festering against the passionate ADA. She sits quietly on a bench with her head in her hands and reflects…..she reverts back to seeing Alex's face turn a bright crimson and noticed the veins throbbing on either side of her neck as she debated a prosecution strategy with the unit: "Elliott…you were sitting right across the table from him! Just based on that, do _you_ think he will make a good witness?" Elliott enjoying the ping pong effect, snaps back: "_Make_ him a good witness". Olivia sits on top of her desk and realizes this passionate debate has now taken a personal turn for the worst, and bites her lower lip in angst almost knowing what's next to stream from Alex's mouth. "I can't make his priors disappear Elliott….besides, that case would never get past a Grand Jury." _Touche_. Olivia keeps a score board in her head…1 point for Alex, and looks to Elliott for a response. "Oh ok, I see how it is…so what…all of a sudden you just take cases you can _win_?" Alex glares at Olivia, hoping she will step in, stick up for her, tap Elliott on the elbow to let him know that he needs to quit while he's ahead, but she doesn't, and this angers Alex even more. She focuses on Elliott and goes for the jugular: "_I try cases I am handed by this squad!! You don't like the evidence I've got….then find me some more! I can't do your jobs too!"_ Olivia winces and knows this may come to blows. Elliott clenches his jaw and then laughs at the insult in an attempt to save face: "Can't do my _what_?" Cragen who had been silently watching, now steps in…almost like a concerned father warning his daughter: "Out of line Alex….." She reels on him like a cobra and clearly has lost all control at this point. She carries on like a spoiled child having a temper tantrum. "I'm not out of line and I _don't. work. for. you! _You work for me at _my_ discretion! Your soul purpose in this process is to bring me a case I can prosecute….not one I have to fix!" Alex was screaming at the top of her lungs. The squad room fell silent, all movement stopped and centered around the livid ADA. Olivia was floored and her mouth agape in amazement. She knew this wasn't the time nor the place, but couldn't help the intrusive thought. _God damn she is beautiful when she's angry!_ Olivia feels her groin start to burn and all she can think about is grabbing Alex by the arms and kissing her…hard. Shaking her head back to reality, Olivia looks to the Captain who calmly steps up to Alex and in a voice that almost seems to take pity on her… cooes: "Fine…..then you tell us Counselor, how can we help you put this man away? What would you like us to do……?" There is a long pause of uncomfortable silence. Alex pants out of breath like a dog on a hot day, looking around the room wide eyed, quickly realizes she just shot herself in the foot. Elliott furrows his eyebrows and opens his mouth, but decides to be the bigger person and simply walks away with his hands up in the air as if waving a white flag. Alex looks at Cragen, then at Olivia and hangs her head in defeat as she cracks just above a whisper: "Nothing……you've done all you can." She walks away and tears stream down her flushed cheeks. This was the last image Olivia saw of the woman she loves so dearly, and she couldn't do a damn thing about it.

Olivia gets up from the bench and punches the door to her locker closed. Her heart aches, but not from this case or the young victims it's affected…she attributes it to her feelings for Alex. She knows she can't do this much longer and decides that soon she will make her move and let Alex in on her secret, but for now, they have a pervert that needs to be put behind bars and she tucks her emotions away.

**TBC…..**


	2. Chapter 2

**Counter-Attack**

Olivia makes her way back to her desk and looks at Elliott who cracks a sinister grin as he grabs his jacket from the back of his chair. _Well at least he's smiling,_ she thinks to herself. Glancing at her oversized silver Chronomat as it boldly stares back: **9:45 pm** _Jesus….where did this day go? _"Liv, we're heading to Mulligan's, grab a drink or two…you in?" She wipes the tired from her face "Yeah…sure…I could go for a beer". With that, Fin rounds the corner into the bullpen walking over to Olivia and Elliott and whispers "You're probably not gonna wanna do that……" Almost annoyed Olivia sneers "And why's that?" Fin leans in to whisper to the pair and points towards Cragen's office "Cuz Dad's pissed"…..in an instant, the room fills with the Captains anger and they all cringe "_**YOU TWO….GET YOUR ASSES IN MY OFFICE…..N O W!"**_ Elliott wrinkles his nose and slams his jacket on his desk "Ahhhhh geeze….now what?" With a pout, her usually serious, strong and stern brown eyes now widen like a scared puppy. Olivia trails Elliott, just like a younger sister cowaring behind her brave big brother on their way to be scolded. "Are you two kidding me?" Cragen throws a copy of a search warrant haphazardly on his desk. Elliott and Olivia look at each other confused and Elliott replies "Wha…what's the problem Cap?" "What's the problem? The problem is Elliott we are not the _Gestapo_ and we just don't go violating people's 4th Amendment rights and search their homes just to get a point across….especially when it's the victim's mother's home". Olivia scowls at the revelation "Wait a minute…Linda Cavanaugh? We…Captain, we weren't there for _that _warrant". Olivia can feel the heat of Cragen's fierce stare "Apparantly not….at the same time you were serving Barnett's warrant, ADA Cabot had the SWAT team execute another simultaneously at the Cavanaugh residence". Elliott's neck reddened as it crept up his face, flushing his ears "Son of a bitch…..Alex….." Olivia knows there had to be good reason for why Alex did what she did and didn't tell her or Elliott, even though it was completely going behind their backs, and eventually leading up to the two of them being under the wheels of the same bus.

Feeling like a referee standing between the two, Olivia puts her hands up "Now hold on Elliott, before you rip her head off….Captain what's this all about?" Cragen glares at Olivia "Alex is walking a fine line here and she needs to know her place. I just spent the last hour getting my ass chewed by Petrovsky. Although brilliant, she needs to stop wearing her heart on her sleeve because it's gonna land us all in trouble and a shit load of cases…good cases, will be dropped if she keeps this up". Still not understanding just what the hell happened, Olivia snaps back at Cragen "Are we done?" Stunned, he points a finger in Olivia's face and whispers an angry grunt "Watch it Olivia…. this isn't like you. You better start separating personal from business, or it's gonna bite you in the ass one of these days….hard". _What the fuck is that supposed to mean?_ Slightly paraniod, Olivia's current thoughts shift violently to her feelings….true feelings she's been harboring for Alexandra Cabot relentlessly over the last two years in silence. _He knows….they know…oh God, if they know…she knows…_ "LIV!" She jumps as Elliott grabs her elbow forcing her out of Cragen's office, out of the precinct and onto the street. "Hey…are you ok?" Elliott looks at Olivia with concern as she pulls her phone from her pocket and dials "I just don't know what she was thinking when….'Alex? It's Liv, we need to talk, meet us over at Mulligans….ok see you in a few'…..when she did that?" Elliott rolls his eyes "You know why….she's getting overly wrapped up in this case, she's losing focus Olivia, she's too personally involved and it's no longer about the Cavanaugh boy…it's about her". Refusing to see this disturbing side of Alex, Olivia shakes her head "No El….there has to be a reason…" She is cut off abruptly as Elliott yells at her "There is no reason Olivia other than the fact that Alex Cabot is a selfish, self fullfilling little bitch that cares for no one except her own ass!! Wake up!" Blinking hard and trying to fight back the tears that are now unconsciously welling up in her eyes, Olivia looks over Elliott's shoulder to see Alex and realizes she heard every word spill from his bitter mouth. Reading his partner, Elliott turns around to see Alex and says "I'm going inside for a beer….you want me to order you something or are you gonna chill here with the Ice Queen?" Olivia looks to the ground as Elliott brushes past her. She uses the sleeve of her black leather jacket to wipe her eyes quickly in hopes that Alex doesn't see…but she does, and she skillfully plays it off as if she hasn't, allowing the unusually vulnerable Detective before her, to keep her dignity.

Alex looks on with a softness in her eyes that Olivia isn't used to seeing. "You should have told us Alex….." Feeling the guilt swirl in her gut, Alex shamefully whispers "I…..I know Liv…you're right but…dammit…I'm sorry". Olivia's defenses go up, the 'wall' as she calls it, and now begins to shut Alex down "No… you're not…." Shocked and a little hurt by the response, Alex retorts "No…I am sorry Olivia…I'm sorry I dragged you and Elliott into the middle of this…but you're right…._he's right_….I'm not sorry about the rest". Surprisingly, Olivia respects the ADA for her brutal honesty and she suspects this is just one of the many reasons why she's grown so infectiously fond of her. She knows Alex is passionate about working in SVU and knows all too well how the job consumes you, how the victims swallow you whole, at times leaving you a mere shell. "Then why Alex? Why would you risk all the blood, sweat and tears we've been putting into this case over the past two weeks….?" Alex searches her soul for justification: "Olivia….don't you see? Yes…I violated Mrs. Cavanaugh's rights…to a degree…but it was because she was too stubborn….too proud to let us do our jobs and put Barnett away, so I had to think outside the box. Evidence can't be suppressed, which is what Kressler, Barnett's attorney was trying to do….so I made a decsision, the only decision I knew of that could possibly save this case from going under and I requested the search of the Cavanaugh residence knowing Barnett couldn't contest it. All the while having no bearing on the current proceedings". Olivia can see the desparation warn over Alex's face, silently begging her for her mercy and understanding…."Oh my God Alex….you….you forced Petrovsky's hand towards a civil tort?" A smile brimmed as Alex grabbed Olivia's hand….the conatact distracting the detective for a moment as a shiver rocked her core. "Yes!…yes Liv…you see, Petrovsky said Barnett's rights weren't violated, therefore he had no legal standing to contest the search in the first place, so the motion to suppress was denied and the evidence you and Elliott got from Barnett's search warrant is good…it's safe and you still have a case". Thrilled and proud at the same time, Olivia hugged Alex, which took them both off guard and sent a wave of relief over the ADA. "So what's gonna happen now?" "Well, I have to meet with Liz first thing in the morning. I'll be honest with you Olivia, she's not happy and I have a feeling I'm in trouble". Olivia knew this to be a fact. Selfishly she thought, _What if she gets fired…disbarred….forced to leave SVU….what will I do? What if I never see her again? _The thought too much for Olivia to bare, she feels Alex's hand on her shoulder "Hey? Liv? Where'd you go?" Olivia has an idea….. Alex's mood lightens and jokingly chides "Aren't you going to come inside and buy me drink for putting my ass on the line for you guys, or are we gonna stand out here all night?" A perplexed Olivia thinks quick on her feet: "Uhhh actually, I forgot…I need to go…. Um… back to the 1-6….I forgot something". Alex nervously peers into the open door of Mulligan's and can see Elliott shoot her the '_don't come near me for at least 12 hours'_ look and says to Olivia "It would be bad for my health if I go in there for several reasons…the main being Elliott, how bout I walk with you to the precinct, it's on my way home anyway and…" "NO! ahh..I mean no that's ok I might be there awhile, you know how I am…I'll probablly end up working on some unfinished DD5's and catch a nap in the crib…" Alex shrugs her shoulders "Suit yourself…I'm going home. I should get some sleep or at least try to before facing Liz tomorrow". Olivia agrees and bids a good night to her ADA before refocusing on what she feels she needs to do to save Alex.

**TBC….**


	3. Chapter 3

**The Plan**

As she briskly makes her trek on foot uptown, Olivia grabs her phone and dials…._ring….ring….ring….ring…._suddenly a sleepy voice answers less than pleased "Donnelly"…. Olivia's palms are sweating as she nervously speaks: "DA Donnelly….this is Detective Benson…" she is cut off mid-sentence "I know who it is! What the hell are you doing calling me at midnight for Olivia? The on-call DA is Mayerson why aren't you waking his ass up?" Olivia swallows hard, "Um m'am it's important….I need to talk to you….please…I'm begging you". There was a long pause of silence followed up by a deep sigh "Fine….5 minutes…I'll meet you at The Carnegie". "Thank you…." There is no 'good-bye' from the recipient, just a loud click followed by the monotone buzz of dead air. Olivia grabs a booth inside the 24 hour diner and just as she sits down, she watches Liz Donnelly stride in looking less than professional wearing a jogging suit and sneakers. She plops down across from Olivia and barks "This had better be good detective, I've got a hellish day tomorrow and you are cutting into my beauty sleep…now what's so damn important!"

Olivia cups her hands around a mug of steaming coffee and locks eyes with the DA. "It's about Alex….." Donnelly now sits back in the booth and crosses her arms. Olivia being able to read people in seconds knows Liz at this point is closed minded on the subject of Alexandra Cabot and to say she will be defensive on the topic is an understatement. She brushes the behavior aside forging ahead with confidence "Liz look….." The DA is clearly agitated by Olivia's bold attempt to put this discussion on a personal level and raises an eyebrow. Without saying a word however, she allows Olivia to continue, she does like the detective afterall and knows she wouldn't drag her out of bed unless it was absolutely necessary. "What Alex did today….was not great…hell… it was wrong on a lot of levels, but Liz….she saved this case and I know she had the victim, Sam Cavanaugh's best interest at heart…." "That's just it Olivia….Alex made a mistake of the heart…not of the mind…when it's a mistake of the mind I can chalk that up to a training issue, something _I_ can correct, but when it's a mistake of the heart, you know as well as I do detective, that can make for an ugly outcome and it forces my hand to have to do something about it". Shaking her head in agreement Olivia pleadingly looks at Donnelly "She knows there will be and that there _should _ be consequences for her actions, I just ask of you Liz that you don't take her away from us….take her away from what she was born to do…will you…will she be disbarred?" The DA looks down at the detective who is now resting her head on an elbow and growls "What am I supposed to do Olivia? People way above me and my pay grade want answers, they wan't to see something done about this….it's not acceptable!" Olivia now desperate, pleads, while racking her brain for a solution "I know…I know….what if she gets removed for a period of time….away from here…to regroup…and some redirection from Dr. Huang?" Slightly intrigued by this offer, Liz questions back "Where should I put her? I can't have her trying cases detective, she needs to be removed per our policy for a period of no less than 30 days….what is she going to do, walk a beat with you and Elliott?" "No m'am, but I have an idea if you'll just hear me out". Liz gazes at the clock on the wall behind Olivia "Go on, I'm listening, but make it quick I'm losing patience and altitude". "I have a connection…..at the Police Academy upstate….what if….Olivia pauses as she scratches her eyebrow not so sure if what she is about to say is a good idea…..she teaches the legal section of the current academy class….it takes about 30 days to instruct. It would be good for her Liz….she may learn a lot from teaching and I know the recruits would learn a hell of a lot from her too". Donnelly sneers between gritted teeth "Yeah….maybe before she teaches, she should learn how to be a lawyer first". Ouch….that was a low blow, but Olivia knew the comment came from anger, embaressment and most likely a lack of sleep, and knew better than to take it personally. Liz drew a deep breath in and contemplated her reply before blowing it out into Olivia's face. "Ok….ok Olivia, since I have no idea what to do with Miss Cabot, I hate to admit it, but I think you're right. If I ship her upstate, she is out of my hair for a little while so I can try to mend the mess she's left behind here, plus, she is still involved, working, staying busy and hopefully learning from her detrimental mistake". Olivia brings her hands together _Thank you sweet Jesus! _ She looks at the slight bit of relief that has come across Liz's face and caresses the DA's surprisingly soft hands "Thank you…..thank you Liz….we….I…really appreciate it". "Yeah well lets see how appreciative Alex is about it in the morning when I break the news to her. She's lucky she still has a job. I'll make sure she knows who to thank for that….you're a good friend Olivia…she owes you. As far as your academy connection goes, I respect the noble offer, but I have contacts as well, and arrangements will promptly be made before my meeting with Alex at 8:30. I'd appreciate it if you'd keep this to yourself and not blab the news to her before I get a chance to sink my teeth in." Beaming, Olivia replies "You have my word". She pays for the bill and watches as Liz disappears into the late night air. Pleased with her clever plan to save Alex's ass, Olivia slyly grins her entire walk home. She knows however, when Alex finds out it was she that went to Donnelly, a whole other battle will ensue, but it's a fight Olivia is willing forge because she knows Alex can't stay mad at her for long, hell, this is payback in a way for Alex going behind her and Elliott's backs. So as far as Olivia is concerned, they're even.

**TBC….**


	4. Chapter 4

**Faith restored**

Alex scrambles for the alarm clock as it's painfully annoying static pierces the new day. "Ughhhhhhh…..I just….fell….asleep". Groggy and sluggish, Alex forces her way to the bathroom and into the shower. Completely consumed, she is on auto pilot as she dresses, grabs her attache case and pours herself into her black mercedes. _God…I feel like I'm going to the chair, this is awful._ Unsure of herself, which is rare, Alex is at a loss for words. She has no idea what she will say to Donnelly or what the Bureau Chief has in store for her. Just before she pulls into the parking garage of the State Attorney's Building, she calls the one person she knows will give her strength just by listening…….'_You've reached Detective Olivia Benson…I'm either on the phone or assisting someone, so please leave a message and I will return your call as soon as possible….Thank You…' _"Shit! Liv…where are you when I need you?!" Frustrated and a little disappointed, Alex parks her car and sits in silence for a moment. Eventually she exits, straightens her skirt and buttons her jacket. She runs her fingers through her silken hair and exhales what feels like her last breath. What's done is done and finding what little peace she can in the situation, Alex digs deep. She knows in her heart the decision she made wasn't one of selfishness like everyone thinks. She truly wanted to help the Cavanaugh's and convict the predator that stole the innocence not just from Sam, but from all the other young and unsuspecting victims. Hopefully she can still do that, and pounds her way through the parking lot.

Olivia waits impatiently by the elevators and can hear the signature '_clickitty clack'_ of Alex's heels making their way closer to her. Lately, even more than usual, just the mere thought of the breath takingly beautiful ADA causes Liv's heartbeat to accelerate. She can hear the pulsing in her ears, loud like drums, and gasps a little when she sees Alex approaching. No one has _ever_ rattled Olivia's cage like this and she's not quite sure what to make of the emotions that have been flooding her system around the clock. Seeing Olivia rest a shoulder so confidently against the elevator doors with her hands in her pockets makes Alex's mouth water and a cool bead of sweat form at the top of her head. Alex forgets how disappointed she was only moments ago when the detective didn't answer her phone and focuses only on the spectacular sight before her. _Pull it together Alex…she already thinks you're unstable and in need of medication._ "Hey you….." Olivia can see the fatigue, the fear, and uncertainty well up in Alex's usually crisp and piercingly ice blue eyes. "Hey yourself……" Olivia gently places a hand on Alex's arm "How ya doin? You ok?". "Surprisngly, I'm doing well for someone about to be ripped to shreds by the Bureau Chief". Wow, Alex actually made a joke. She has her moments and isn't always wound like a top. She wishes the detective knew this about her and could see the fun, quirky and candid Alex that makes an appearance from time to time. She decides that no matter what the out come is today, she vows to keep her promise to herself and confront Olivia with her feelings. She just wonders how to go about doing it, and without a second thought goes out on a limb "Liv…would you like to have dinner with me tonight? Please? After today is over with, I sure could use some company and a drink." _Oh my…did she just ask me out?_ "Sure Alex I'd love to. I think we both need a good meal and a stiff drink or two." Alex laughs a little and her sheepish grin suddenly turns into sobs as she grabs Olivia and hugs her. "I…..I'm so scared Olivia….I think I've ruined my career, set civil rights back a hundred years and made everyone in the unit hate me…all within two weeks! I'm a wrecking ball of destruction and for what?" Olivia breaks Alex's firm hold and cups her face with her hands "Hey…..shhhhhh, c'mon now Alex…" Olivia wipes a tear with her thumb from the damp cheek she held "Counselor you know as well as I do for what….you care sweetie….and you're not afraid to take chances…push limits…not quit until you get justice for the victims. We all take our lumps and today you will take yours, but think positive. I have a feeling it's not going to be as bad as you think." Alex does everything she can to keep the mucous from escaping her nose and cries even harder "You don't know Liz Olivia….she is out for a witch hunt and I'm at the top of her list. I'm done….I need to find a new career." Olivia with a stern voice places her hands on top of Alex's shoulders "Hey…now you listen to me Alex, your career is far from being over. Liz isn't the monster you think she is. Straighten yourself up, gather your thoughts and go up there and take responsibility. Own the situation Alex, but don't back down from why you did what you did. I have a feeling Liz will respect you for it and she may surprise you." Alex looks confused but she hangs onto the encouraging words of the detective, as it's all she has at the moment. "You're right Liv….thank you….I uh….you…you always know what to say and I just want you to know I love that about you." Stunned, Olivia drops her hands from the ADA's shoulders and takes a step back "Anything for you Alex…..you know that. Go be great…I believe in you. Good luck and call me when it's over." Olivia winks and gives Alex one of her signature crooked smiles as she watches the elevator doors close. Alex shuts her eyes and takes in several deep breaths. Knowing Olivia supports her, Alex is able to draw the strength she needs to confront Liz and as the doors woosh open, she storms down the hallway to the wrath she knows lies ahead.

**TBC….**


	5. Chapter 5

**D-Day**

Alex approaches the closed door with caution. Just as she is about to knock, second thoughts race her mind and she puts her hand down and starts to turn away. _Dammit Alexandra! Get a hold of yourself…be brave. I can do this…I can do this… _She thinks about Olivia and the stern yet heartfelt pep talk she received from the genuine detective…_her_ detective, only moments ago. Alex says a small prayer under her breath and her ivory skin looks like sullen ash against the mahogany door of Bureau Chief Liz Donnelly as she quickly raps on the wood. _There's no going back now. Stick to your convictions Alex. _All she can hear is Olivia in the back of her brain "_Go be great…I believe in you…."_

"**COME IN!**" _Jesus…she sounds like an oger on the other side of that door._ Any meekness that was lingering has now dissipated, as Alex briskly walks inside the huge office and stands before the obviously perturbed and agitated woman. "Liz…I just want you to know that I take full responsibility for my actions and…" Alex is interrupted and her attempt at controlling this meeting is brought down like the swing of a verbal gavel. "Shut. Up. Alex….for once shut up, sit your ass down and listen to what it is I'm about to tell you". Without another word, Alex's bottom finds it's way in a chair and she folds her shaking hands in her lap. "Blah blah blah…you take full responsibility for your actions, just what I expected to hear…" In a manner almost mocking the now stone cold ADA, Liz continues "Of course, let me guess…you did it for the greater good…the safety of society. BULL…you did this for you!" Shaking her head in disbelief, Alex stands her ground "I did this for hundreds of Barnett's future victims". Liz holds up a single digit as she coldly continues "One….one victim….Sam Cavanaugh. Did it work Alex? Was it worth it? Did it assuage your guilt?" Now feeling completely defeated Alex continues to maintain her composure "No…it didn't and I don't think that's gonna happen any time soon." Liz nods and a forced smirk appears "Oh…I've got news for you…it _won't_ happen. EVER…." Alex gulps as she fears for the worst and expects to hear "You're fired as well as disbarred"….but she is shocked when she captures what comes next from the DA.

"I've spent the last 3 days Alexandra fighting for you. To say I'm exhausted is an understatement and my ass is so raw I can't even sit. Do you know why?" Alex shakes her head in disbelief "Because of one person…..I really don't know what Detective Benson sees in you, but she seems to feel you pulled this whole stunt to save the current case at hand, and I'm not sure why, but I half believe her. So, although I think you should lose your job, there is someone out there that gives a damn and thinks your worth another shot. You're probably wondering what I'm going to do with you and to be honest, I wasn't sure. With some help from Olivia, we had a revelation and I decided in order to keep you employed _and_ away from the court room, the best place for you would be to send you out of the metro area. You will spend the next 30 days Alex in Ithaca, teaching at the Police Academy. You will be in charge of instructing the Legal portion of the program, and all 35 recruits _must _pass the block with a minimum of 90%. Your living arrangements on campus have been made, and you report 8 am sharp Monday morning. There is absolutely no room for debate, so don't dare think about challenging me on this Alex. Are we clear?" This is almost too much for Alex to process. She is ecstatic that she hasn't been fired, she is boiling at the fact Olivia got involved and went behind her back, and she is repulsed by the thought that her standards have been reduced to teaching a bunch of grunts basic fundamentals, but she completely gets that she has no choice, and in order to save what's left of her dwindling career, knows she needs to take the deal. "Crystal clear Liz". Relieved, Liz finally takes a seat behind the monstrosity of a desk and puts on her reading glasses as she peers at Alex from over the top of them. "Go home Alex and make whatever preparations are necessary for your absence. I expect when I see you again in 30 days, I'll have back the prosecutor I _use _to know. The point is Alex, for you to gain something out of this experience. Open your mind and see your full potential, the good lord knows you need it." There isn't much to say, so Alex rises to her full height and looks at Liz one last time before leaving, and humbles herself "Liz….thank you, I won't disappoint you again." Still looking above the black rimmed glasses, Liz acknowledges Alex's effort and leaves her with some parting words "You've got a lot of work to do Counselor. Opinions about your work ethic are spreading like a wildfire and you need to work your ass off to change the damage that's been done. I've chosen Abby Carmichael to take your place at SVU while you're gone. If she works out Alex, there are no guarantees you'll go back there, but at least you'll still have your career." Alex thinks to herself, _one step at a time Liz…I maybe out of the picture for the next 30 days, but I'll be damned if Abby Carmichael can fill my shoes._

Alex is so angry at Olivia right now, speaking to her would prove to be a fatal mistake. _How could she do this to me? Who does she think she is going to Donnelly? This was none of her business…_ Alex's thoughts are interrupted by her phone ringing, she checks the caller ID…_Det. Benson_ "Oh fuck you Olivia!" Alex yells at the phone without answering it, and throws it into her attache case. Olivia expects Alex to be angry and isn't shocked when she doesn't answer. She decides not to leave a message, and simply hangs up. No sooner did Olivia end her call, and her phone began to ring….._Liz Donnelly_. Olivia wonders what she could possibly want and hopes her plan worked….."Hello Liz….." The voice on the other end was dry, tired and very matter of fact "Olivia…Alex needs to be in Ithaca by 8am Monday morning. Since you had a hand in this and you want Alex to stay so badly, I think it's only fair you share part of the responsibility here. So, I've already spoken to Cragen and every Friday evening for the next 4 weeks, you will report to the Academy as well, thoroughly documenting Alex's progress. I expect a weekly update no later than Sunday." Olivia instantly feels a migrane invading her cranial cavity "But Liz….what about my own work load here?" Liz completely emotionless let's Olivia have it "Remember Benson, this was _your_ idea. I wanted Alex gone, so your work load has no bearing on my decision and to be quite frank, I could give a shit. You wanted her, you keep her in line….are we understanding each other?" _How do I get myself involved in these situations_ "Understood Liz". "Good, now if you'll excuse me detective, I've wasted enough time on this issue and need to get back to repairing my office's reputation".

_Alex has every right to hate me….just when I thought we were moving forward, we're now taking 20 steps back. _Trust has always been a sore spot for Olivia and she feels she's betrayed Alex's trust in a way that may never be the same. She didn't want any of this to go the way it had, but unfortunately, Donnelly is in the driver's seat. How the hell is she going to get through to Alex? How is she going to make her understand she only wanted to help…..Olivia sees that maybe her own selfishness to keep the ADA around SVU, may have just cost her the only thing she truly cares about….Alex herself. The worst part about this whole thing is that Olivia can't even talk to Elliott. She can always rely on her partner for everything….but not this time. Olivia is on her own and realizes she doen't have much time before Monday morning rolls around. It's 6pm and Olivia decides to go right to Alex's apartment. She's sure she will be there since she needs to get ready for her month long sentence.

Alex stands in front of her closet and crumples into a heap. She brings her knees to her chest and buries her face, letting her Harvard sweatshirt soak up the salty tears. She feels awful….as angry as she is with Olivia, the detective is the only person she wishes were with her at this very moment….hugging away her pain, stroking her hair and whispering that it will all be "ok" into her ear. Not knowing what else to do, she attempts to call Olivia…._that's strange _Alex thinks to herself. As she has the phone to her ear, she can hear the ringing outside of her front door. Alex opens the door to find the detective a mirror image of herself standing there with the phone to her ear. "Alex…..I….." Its apparent Alex has been crying all afternoon. Her eyes were red and swollen, her hair tied back in a loose pony tail and her sweatshirt covered in dark wet spots. "Don't Liv…..don't even try to explain….I….I did this and now I need to fix it." Alex steps aside signaling to Olivia it's ok to come in. They make their way to a large leather sofa in the living room, and both women succumb to it's welcoming comfort.

"Alex…..I didn't mean to go behind your back when I met with Donnelly. I knew how critical the situation was and I knew you took a huge risk when you went against Elliott and I at first….she was going to get rid of you….and I couldn't bare to think….." Olivia stops, she carefully chooses her next words wisely before letting them roll off of her tongue. "I couldn't bare to think of losing you……" This is just what Alex was hoping to hear. Her insides begin to warm and her heart skips a beat. She knows now just how much the detective means to her because she can't even stay mad at her for more than a few hours. Liz was right, Alex from this point forward will be opening her mind, her heart and her spirit…. She finally realizes she has nothing to lose and everything to gain….she has Olivia, and the detective in her own way has just proved that to her.

**TBC….**


	6. Chapter 6

**Confession**

Olivia realizes she's opened a can of worms. She just told Alex she's scared of losing her. _Why don't things ever go as planned? This really isn't how I pictured telling her how I feel. No wonder I'm such a screw up when it comes to relationships._

"Olivia, when you say you're scared of losing me, what do you mean by that?" She had to go there….she's going to make Olivia come clean, even though she has a sneaking suspicion what the floundering detective meant when she said it.

Olivia lets out a long sigh, shrugs her shoulders and locks eyes with the now inquisitive blond. "Alex….I….I've worked side by side with you for the last 3 years.

We've been through hell and back with cases, victims, perps. For God's sake, besides Elliott you're the only other person I go to lunch with. When I can't sleep at 3am because my mind is a rat race, you're the only one who answers the phone. When you sit on the edge of my desk every single morning, swinging your leg back and forth playing with my files, drinking your coffee…."

Olivia pictures the long, athletic legs revealing themselves from under one of Alex's many pencil skirts, and she envisions the ADA leaning dangerously close to her as they review testimony for a pending trial….she can smell her shampoo and the faint aroma of her perfume. It drives her wild to the point she can barely focus.

A smile now breaks through the nervousness as Olivia continues and is quickly drowning in the deep blue pools of Alex's warm eyes. She breaks the tranced stare and gets up from the couch, pacing back and forth, as she candidly describes _who_ Alex is to her.

"When you sit at your desk, chewing on the end of a pencil because you are so emotionally emersed in a case….the cute face you make when you wrinkle your nose, the subtle way you tuck a piece of your hair behind your ear…..Alex….I'm a wreck. I don't know what this is…how I'm supposed to feel….how this all works. I just know that if you were to ever go away, I'd fall apart…so when you ask me what I meant when I said I'm scared of losing you…those are just some of the reasons why …I mean…how do I justify this? I'm spilling my guts like a fool and I haven't a clue what you think….how _you_ feel……_shit_….."

Both of Olivia's hands are on her forehead and she walks in front of the tremendous glass window in Alex's living room and takes in the breathtaking view. She can't believe she is standing here telling Alex all of these deep, personal revelations. Suddenly, she feels two arms come from behind her, wrapping themselves tightly around her waist. Her stomach drops like the first plunge on a very steep and very fast roller coaster. She can feel the warm breath on the back of her neck and looks at the reflection in the window only to see Alex holding her. She's waited 3 long years for this to come to a head. Olivia's pulse races and she feels her nipples harden as they pierce her t-shirt, every hair on her body is now standing on end, and she quivers as Alex opens her mouth to speak.

"I'm just as scared of losing you too Olivia. I knew I was in trouble the very first day I started SVU. Everyone else shunned me, treated me and avoided me like the plague…..but not you. You took me under your wing, showed me the ropes, taught me _how_ to be a good prosecutor through _your_ point of view….the _victims_ point of view….every time you look at me with those eyes…those big brown eyes….I….I just melt. Liv, I don't know what this is either, but I know it's not going away….and I don't want it to".

Alex loosens her grasp around Olivia and takes her hand, pulling her back to the couch. They are face to face…no words are exchanged…they just sit, staring at each other, both trying to digest what they understand now is "more than friends".

"Alex, what do we do from here? You're being shipped away for a month, and believe me I'm not complaining, it's better than you being fired and completely gone, but _Jesus Christ_….it's two days before you leave…..our timing sucks……"

Both women break the tension for each other by errupting into laughter. Alex playfully slaps Olivia on the arm and Olivia responds by picking up a pillow and whacks Alex over the head with it "You cheeseball"……

Alex stops and wrinkles her nose, places her hands on her hips and laughs uncontrolably " Cheeseball? Is that the best you can do?" Now Olivia begins to calm down and the jovial attitude starts to turn serious again. "C'mon Al….I'm serious…..where do we go from here?"

Alex looking confused, shrugs her shoulders "I don't know Liv….this is as new to me as I'm assuming it is to you….I mean….I've never….um….I've never had feelings like this before for a woman, so right now I feel about as awkward and excited as a 14 year old boy".

Olivia is glad to hear she's not alone. "Alex, I've only had a handful of relationships in my lifetime and they've all been with men. I mean yeah…. I've dated over the years, but in all honesty, I think I was just filling the void of lonliness."

Alex nods. "I know what you mean….I've dedicated my entire life to my career, never allowing myself to just be….now that this whole suspension thing is going on, I'm forced to deal with _me_…..stand in my own shit….realize what I've been missing". With that, Alex takes Olivia's hand in her own.

"We're in this together Olivia. I'm not going anywhere, not if I can help it anyway". Olivia content with Alex's answer, realizes she has to break the news about Donnelly's demand of the detective, the promise she made in order for Alex to keep her position.

"Alex listen, there is something else I need to tell you". Alex gives Olivia a concerned scowl "Of course….anything…."

Olivia pauses, not sure just how Alex is going to take the news "You see Al, um… Liz called me after your meeting with her….and she gave me no choice….I swear to God….." Alex, feeling her temper start to flare, quickly puts her attitude in check "What Liv? What is it?….you can tell me….I promise not to get upset….whatever it is, I can see it has you all worked up, so come out with it… we'll work it out….it's ok….trust me….please?".

Believing Alex's plea, Olivia comes clean "Ok…Liz told me that every Friday night for the next four weeks, I have to report to the academy….." Alex brims a smile "That's great! She wants you to teach too? With me?...oh we'd make such a great team!"

Disappointment quickly sets in for Olivia "Al…Al…no…um…. not to teach. She said I need to document your progress and give her a written report every Sunday by days end…..Alex….I'm so sorry…." Olivia winces as she is at a loss for words. She prays she hasn't insulted the brilliant attorney any more than she already has been the last few days by everyone else around her.

"That's it? That's why she wants you up there? To check up on me?......" Olivia slowly nods her head analyzing Alex's reaction "Yup….pretty much. So are you mad?"

Alex sighs "How can I be mad? I'm lucky to still have a job….besides, it's only 30 days…I'll be a good girl…do what she's demanding of me. At least I get to see you every weekend….maybe it's a blessing in disguise. We can be alone, do what we want….hopefully have limited interruptions…..how bad can that be?"

Olivia is shocked at what she is hearing. She puts the back of her hand to Alex's forehead "Ok…. who are you and what have you done with Alex?" Alex furrows her brows "Ha. Ha….very funny….I'm trying here Liv".

Olivia puts an arm around Alex's shoulder "I know Al….I know…hey are you hungry? If I remember correctly, you _did_ ask me out earlier for dinner……"

Alex perks up "You are absolutely right detective. I did ask you out. Gimmie 5 minutes, I'm just gonna change and we'll be on our way. You like Thai?"

"Love it". With that, Alex makes her way into her bedroom and closes the door. Olivia is left to wander the immense penthouse located on the posh upper west side of Manhattan. She takes note of how clean and orderly the place is, the expensive art work which hangs from every wall, the vast ceilings, the huge kitchen with all Sub-Zero stainless steel appliances, and a book shelf wall unit with several framed pictures of who she assumes is family members. Olivia realizes after 3 years of being around Alex the ADA, day in and day out, just how little she really knows about Alexandra the woman.

**TBC…..**


	7. Chapter 7

** Thank You all so much so far for the reviews and feedback!! It means a lot. I've worked out the kinks as far as my spacing goes, so hopefully the rest of the story should provide easier reading for you all. There is much to come here in the way of adventure, so stay tuned. Especially once Alex arrives at the academy and Olivia pays her visits weekly ;) I'll update as soon as possible…keep the reviews coming and I love you guys!**

**First Date**

Olivia is caught off guard when she hears Alex's voice behind her. She was studying a large abstract oil painting hanging in the foyer. Always the detective, Liv thinks to herself… _This thing must've been a fortune…._ "Ready?"

Like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar, Olivia jumps, yet tries to play it cool, hoping Alex didn't notice she almost came out of her skin "Ah…yes….yes I am." Alex giggles a little because she knows she startled the incredibly beautiful woman.

She can't help but stare at Olivia, the soft lighting in the hallway captures every hue of her short, chocolate brown hair. Her body lean and strong, her clothes stylish and so very Benson. Even the way she has her black leather jacket slung over her shoulder is sexy, and Alex revels in the fact that she, no… _they_ will be taking things to the next level.

The walk is a slow one. They enjoy their conversation as they make their way the four blocks to the restaurant. The women order their food, which is enough to share, and they continue to explore their new found relationship. They share a bottle of wine which quickly goes to each of their heads, especially since they've both gone all day without anything in their stomachs except angst.

Olivia feeling a lot more relaxed and comfortable with Alex, brings up the issue of being gone for the next month. "So Counselor, what are your living quarters going to be like at the academy?"

Alex rolls her eyes "Ugh…you _had_ to remind me. Well, according to Liz, it's nothing more than an efficency…you know, one bedroom, _a _couch, tiny kitchen, and a washer and dryer. Oh yeah….and a desk. It certainly won't be the Taj Mahal."

Olivia cocks her head to the side "Eh..not too bad I guess, but then again, that's easy for me to say. What does your curriculum entail?"

Like an old woman on her soap box, Alex touches Olivia's hand "Mmmmm…._get this…_I have 35 recruits supposedly, and they all need to pass legal with at least a 90%".

Shocked, Olivia gasps "_All_ of them?" Alex nods and closes her eyes "All of them….no pressure right?"

Olivia complements Alex "Hey, if anyone can do it….you can. They will be the smartest recruits yet to leave that place". Alex is clearly touched by the statement and winks "Thanks Liv".

They finish their meal and head back towards Alex's place. Curious, but not wanting to seem too over bearing, Olivia inquires "Besides packing, what are your plans for tomorrow?"

With a devilish grin, Alex turns to Olivia "Stay…..stay with me tonight and we can figure it out in the morning". Olivia's cheeks blush and all she can muster is "Um….Ok".

Alex opens the door to her home and Olivia follws her inside. She can't keep her eyes off of the extremely firm buttocks in front of her, and without hesitation, grabs one of the belt loops on Alex's jeans. The unsuspecting blond spins around clumsily, falling into the waiting arms of the detective.

Their lips find each other and lock in a heated kiss. Tongues begin feverishly darting around both of their now open mouths, and it takes several minutes before Alex is the one to come up for air. She breaks the passionate kiss and pushes Olivia onto the sofa.

Three years of pent up lust is now busting at the seams. Olivia desparately tugs at Alex's shirt, and her hands find their way instinctively all over Alex's silky smooth skin. Olivia cups Alex's left breast, pinching and teasing her nipple to errection. The anxious ADA groans uncontrolably and then whispers "Stop…..Liv stop…. Ugh…trust me…I want this to happen….I want us….I want you….in the worst way….but I think we need to slow it down…..just a little".

Before removing herself from under Alex, Olivia kisses her sweet neck and touches the side of her cheek "Ok…..you're right. I don't want to do anything to screw this up Alex. It's all so new to me, I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself…..you feel so….so good….so right….for the first time in my life…..and to think….you were right there the whole time".

Alex yells inside of her swirling head….. _How can I help but not love her?_ Olivia sits up on the couch, a little embaressed, her hair messed up, shirt untucked and her privates aching….. _I feel bad for guys, because if this what it feels like to have 'blue balls' then I'm gonna be taking a lot of cold showers._

Alex gets up pulling her shirt back in place and offers a hand to Olivia. They head into Alex's massive bedroom and take turns getting ready for bed. Alex gives Olivia an old Harvard t-shirt and some boxers, and they slide under the cool sheets holding onto each other.

"Al?"……."Yeah Liv?"……."This has been the best first date I've ever been on."

"Me too…." Alex kisses Olivia's forehead and the two succumb quickly to slumber. This will be the most peaceful and sound sleep either one of them has had in over six months.

**TBC…..**


	8. Chapter 8

*** Ok guys….here's a little something to get you through the weekend. I'll update again in the begininng of the week. Please don't forget to review. Enjoy!! ***

**The Final Countdown**

Olivia wakes up to the rude awakening of a very bright sun and the smell of fresh coffee brewing. She looks around the intimidating master bedroom and forgets for a second where she is. It 'clicks' finally, and a goofy smile takes over her sleepy face. _I can't believe I'm in Alex Cabot's bed…._ Quickly realizing she is alone, Olivia throws the covers over her head and pushes her face into Alex's pillow giggling _I'm in Alex fucking Cabot's bed!_

Olivia makes her way into the kitchen donning Alex's t-shirt and boxers, and silently watches the oblivious blond as she prepares breakfast. Olivia sneaks up behind her placing a gentle touch at the small of her back "Hey….good morning….what cha making? It smells wonderful!"

Alex whirls around, spatchula in hand and quickly kisses Olivia on the lips before replying "Mmmmm good morning to you….I'm making omlettes. You sleep ok? I'm putting ham and cheese in these….you good with that?"

"I'm definitely good with that and I slept like a log….you? Although slightly disappointed that things didn't go a little further in the bedroom the night before, Olivia is glad they've decided to allow this relationship room to grow and time to run it's course. She feels so at home with Alex, and knows it won't take long to adjust to this comforting notion.

"Liv….I haven't slept like that in I don't know how long…." Alex walks over to Olivia placing her hands around her waist "I felt so…….safe…..knowing you were curled into me….protecting me in a sense….I dunno….it's all starting to sink in you know?"

"I know……" Olivia strategically places a kiss behind Alex's left ear and can feel her shiver. They come together for a heated morning make out session, and Olivia breaks away suddenly when she smells the pungent odor of bread burning.

"Shit! Al….the toast!" Alex springs into action pulling the charred remains of rye from a toaster that looked as if it's never been used before, and tosses the smoking heap into the trash can.

"Crap….sorry Liv….we're officially without toast this morning." The two begin laughing and shrug it off. They eat their breakfast, lightly discuss some past cases over a few cups of coffee, and chat about where the day will lead them.

"So….what do you feel like doing today Liv?" Before responding, Olivia finds herself daydreaming again about the amazing Alex Cabot. _Hmmmm….what do I feel like doing today? How about you….I'd like to do you…all day long…. _Olivia fights the perverted yet sexy image from her mind and struggles to refocus on the question "Uh…I don't care. You know, I haven't been to the MET in awhile….I hear they have an amazing modern art sculpture series on exhibit".

Intrigued, Alex raises an eyebrow "Fabulous….let's go". Instead of going back to her lonely and drab apartment, Olivia showers and borrows some more of Alex's clothing. _She's not getting these back…._ Olivia smiles as she slips on a pair of faded and worn jeans.

Before long, the two women are off, enjoying their last day together both knowing but neither wanting it to happen; Alex's departure in the morning for Ithaca.

While walking the massive museum, Olivia feels her phone vibrate in her pocket, as she digs for it, Alex asks "Are you on call this weekend?"

Olivia reads the caller ID _Stabler_ "Ugh….no….but it's Elliott, I suppose I should see what he wants". Alex silently nods and gives Olivia her space.

"Benson……." There is a pause before the voice on the other end responds "Hey Liv….." Not really wanting to talk to her partner at the moment, but realizing she can't blow him off either, chirps "Hey El….whats up? Everything ok?"

"Oh yeah….it's fine….I um….I just want to…..listen Liv, I'm sorry about getting up your ass the other day about Alex…..she just pissed me off you know? This whole case….I dunno….been stressing me out and she didn't help with her bullshit….."

Olivia closes her eyes because she really doesn't want to talk about this right now. The clock is ticking and every second she wastes with Elliott, she'll never get back with Alex. She responds because she knows she owes Elliott at least the recognition of his attempt at an appology.

"It's ok El….Barnett, the Cavanaugh's, the ups and downs with this whole case….it's stressful." She completely avoids the topic of Alex only because she doesn't want to talk about her knowing she's within ear shot.

Elliott, being sharp as a tack asks "Are you alone Liv?" Panicked, Olivia scrambles "Uhhh….well, I'm kinda in the middle of something….." Elliott cuts her off "That's not what I asked…."

Taken back by Elliott's curt attitude, Olivia snaps "Yeah…you know what El…that's really none of your business OK? Appology accepted….I'm not gonna sit here and rehash what Alex did…..it's over so let it go….she's a human being….and human beings make _mistakes_ from time to time….if I remember correctly, you've been guilty of quite a few….." Olivia finds herself yelling at this point and attracting the negative attention of several art enthusiasts around her, including Alex.

Hurt by her response, Elliott hides behind his words "What's gotten into you Liv? Wait a minute….are you with her?....is….is Alex with you? _Jesus Christ_….I should'a seen this one coming…."

Olivia committs to the argument, and doesn't back down "Does it matter Elliott? Yes….for your information I am….we are at…..we're at the MET….looking at….art."

"Looking at what?....Hahahaha…..you?.....art?......hahahahahaaaaa". Olivia's face turns beet red and Alex stares at her with the 'what the hell is going on' look.

"Elliott really? You wanna know what's gotten into me? Well…..what the _fuck_ has gotten into you!! I don't owe you a _goddamn _thing…..now….we let this go….right here…it's not up for discussion any more…..you here me El? It's done…..Alex Cabot is a dead issue….besides….you won't have to worry about her being around for awhile cause she'll be _GONE!_ Possibly for good……there….does that make you happy?"

Olivia slams the phone shut. She can't help the stream of tears now pouring down her face as she runs to the nearest restroom, as a very concerned Alex follows.

"Liv?" Alex calls out as she makes her way to the very last stall where all she can hear is a bunch of deep sobs. "Liv? Sweetie? It's ok…..come on out….._please?_"

Slowly, the door to the stall opens and emerges one hysterical detective. Alex knows this goes beyond Elliott, and suspects the past week is now catching up to Olivia and taking it's toll.

Alex gives Olivia a hug, stroking her hair, kissing her forehead "Hey…c'mon now…it's ok Liv….Elliott is just being difficult because….well….because that's just what men do….I think he's a little threatened of me…..of us….he's not an idiot….I'm steppin in on his territory in a way…."

Olivia wipes her eyes "Ugh…..your right….I'm sorry….I'm not going to let him ruin our day….I'll deal with him Monday."

Alex smiles as she helps Olivia dry her tears "Good girl…..you hungry? I'll take you to lunch….I've got a place….." It takes a couple of seconds before Olivia realizes Alex is leading her out of the restroom and into the public view once again….by her hand. It felt normal….comforting….like the way it should. The only thing that drew her attention, was the fact that people were staring. _Fuck em'….I'm so over this shit…_

Once inside Alex's Mercedes, she puts the convertible top down and turns on the radio. The station DJ happily intro's the next song _'For all you Train fans out there….here's their new one'……_ now out of the parking garage and onto the surprisingly sparse Manhattan street, Alex grabs Olivia's hand and squeezes as Liv turns up the radio "Love these guys…..and I love this song…..this one's for you Al." Alex melts and she winks at the woman sitting across from her, she drives fast…almost in time with her racing heart.

Your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brains  
I knew I wouldn't forget you, and so I went and let you blow my mind  
Your sweet moonbeam, the smell of you in every single dream I dream  
I knew when we collided, you're the one I have decided who's one of my kind

Hey soul sister, ain't the Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo, the way you move ain't fair, you know!  
Hey soul sister, I don't want to miss a single thing you do...tonight  
Hey, hey,hey

Just in time, I'm so glad you have a one-track mind like me  
You gave my life direction, a game show love connection we can't deny  
I'm so obsessed, my heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest  
I believe in you, like a virgin, you're Madonna, and I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind

Hey soul sister, ain't that Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo, the way you move ain't fair, you know!  
Hey soul sister, I don't want to miss a single thing you do...tonight

The way you can't cut a rug, watching you's the only drug I need  
You're so gangsta, I'm so thug, you're the only one I'm dreaming of  
You see, I can be myself now finally, in fact there's nothing I can't be  
I want the world to see you be with me

Hey soul sister, ain't that Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo, the way you move ain't fair, you know!  
Hey soul sister, I don't want to miss a single thing you do tonight,  
Hey soul sister, I don't want to miss a single thing you do...tonight  
Hey, hey,hey

Tonight  
Hey, hey,hey

Tonight

They sat in silence the entire ride, bopping their heads, listening to every word of the song, both mutually feeling it's meaning applies to them.

Olivia looks at her watch and her gut wrenches….**4:00pm**. Its boldness is like a cruel slap in the face. The women eat, and Alex drops the bomb Olivia knew was coming, but wasn't ready to accept yet. As they make their way back to the car, they stop and take a seat on a bench about a block away from the small café.

"Liv…..as much as I don't want this day to end….I have to get home….I've got so much to do yet and….." She's cut short when Olivia leans in and kisses her softly…. gently….tasting her sweet lips on hers.

Alex can feel her groin pulsating through her jeans and she kisses the detective deeper and harder. She can't help herself as she starts to grab for Olivia's breasts. Realizing where they are she stops. "Al….don't stop….."

Alex gets angry with her self, as she once again leaves the detective hanging "I'm sorry Liv….I need to work on this timing thing…."

Olivia can't help but laugh a little and rests her head on the ADA's shoulder "It's ok Alex…..there will be plenty of time for you to make it up to me".

The drive back to Alex's apartment was a quick one….too quick in fact, and Olivia knew the time had come for her to have to part with her love.

_Wow….this really sucks…._Olivia's chest hurts. The only other time she felt pain like this, was when she found out she was the product of her mother's rape. _C'mon Liv….pull it together…this isn't easy for her either…._

Olivia silently gathers her clothes strewn about Alex's floor from the night before, and makes her way into the living room. Alex looks exhausted and she can see the sadness creep into her bright blue eyes once again.

Olivia wraps her arms tight around Alex and fights the tears she can feel starting to invade her eye sockets. "I…..I love you Alex…..I really do".

Fighting to stay calm, Alex whispers "I know…..I know you do….and….I love you….so very, very much". She kisses Olivia and tries to find solace in the fact that they will be seeing each other in less than a week. "Friday will be here before we know it……"

Olivia breaks her hold and looks at Alex one last time before leaving. "Love you Al…"

Alex smiles "Love you too Liv…."

Olivia decides to walk the 8 blocks back to her apartment figuring she could use the time to think. She needs to get herself back into the swing of things, like the pending Barnett case, dealing with Abby the new ADA, and patching things up with Elliott. _Ugh….Elliott…why did he have to pick now to be a jerk….I need my partner…..I need my bestfriend….dammit El…._


	9. Chapter 9

*** Sorry guys…I've had a pretty busy week thus far and it was hard for me to update. Before week's end I hope to have a few more chapters posted including Alex's arrival at the academy. Thank you for all the support and please don't forget to review! ***

**Chapter Nine**

**The Letter**

Alex struggles to focus on her main task at hand….packing. She's going to have a long day tomorrow and the earlier she can get herself into bed, the better off she will be. She retrieves a garment bag from her closet and ponders if she should bring a skirt suit or two. After much debate, she decides to forget the skirts…._an academy class of nearly all men, bad idea Alex._ Instead, she chooses several pairs of neatly pressed dress slacks, button down shirts and leather flats instead of the four inch heels she usually stomps around the court house in.

Alex aimlessly looks around her room and racks her brain thinking if she forgot anything. Satisfied for now, she retires to her bathroom slipping on a camisole and pink boy shorts. She ties her long locks up in a messy bun, washes her face and puts on her signature thin, black framed glasses. As she walks over to her bed to turn down the comforter, she notices on her pillow an envelope. She picks it up…._Alex_…..is all that is written on the front. She'd recognize the handwriting anywhere, it was Liv's.

Alex props herself up on some goose-down pillows, and climbs under the crisp Egyptian cotton sheets, letter in hand. She begins to read…..

_Dear Alex,_

_By the time you get around to reading this, I'll either have caught another case or I'm still walking the city, trying to quell my buzzing brain. The past few days have been nothing less than amazing, and although you and I have known each other for several years, I feel like we've just met all over again._

_Anyway, we ran out of time in a sense with you leaving and all, and there was…there is so much yet I want to tell you, to share with you….about me. You know me…yes…but I want you to know everything. I don't want there to be any secrets, I want to start this new chapter of our relationship off on the right foot…with honesty, with understanding and with sincerity._

_I feel if you know my story, my background, then you will see all of me, for who I am._

Alex is so touched by Olivia's profoundness, she whispers to herself as she pauses from reading, and brings the letter to her chest, against her heart "Oh Liv…I could care less if you were born in a gutter…I _do_ love you for who you are……" She realizes however, that this message Olivia is brining before her, is critical and important to her….important for _them_, and respects the effort unconditionally.

Alex peels the letter from her warm skin and continues……

_I don't know how much you know about my family, or what you've heard rather is more like it… about my mother, my father and a lack thereof, when it comes to the both of them. Without beating around the bush, I am a product of my mother's rape. She was a college student at NYU in the late 60's, and one night as she left her job at the campus library, she was grabbed from behind, shoved to the ground and brutally attacked in a desolate alley, never knowing her assailant. She filed a report a week later and the NYPD did little to nothing to help her. Nine months later I was born._

"Oh..my..God….Liv"….Alex's gut wrenches, and all she wants at this moment is the vulnerable detective in her arms, comforting her.

_I was only 5 years old when my mother told me in a drunken rage how I came into this world. At that age, a child can't comprehend what 'rape' is. What I did understand was that my mother hated me most days and called me 'the devils daughter'. I was forced to grow up fast…too fast, not only taking care of myself, but taking care of my mother who was incoherent 24 hours a day._

_I had no one in my corner and as I got older, I quickly understood the importance of an education and a career. All I wanted to do was help women like my mother, hopefully make a difference to children who were like me, and lock monsters like my father, away in prison. Working hard to earn the position I have within SVU is more than a resume builder, it's my life. It took me years to grasp that I am worthy, I am strong, I am somebody…._

_Alex, I look not for your pity, not for you to console me or to completely understand where I am coming from, because you can't…..I just needed you to know, from me. I suppose I could have told you this in person when I see you this week, but sometimes I can express myself better when I write._

_I haven't met anyone maybe other than Elliott, who 'gets' me, and thankfully, I don't want to be with him like I want to be with you. You do get me…. and I suppose that's why I feel it so necessary to get all of this off of my chest. _

_I miss you already and the squad room won't be the same without you….keep me close Alex, as this won't be easy for either of us, but I've learned to find strength from struggle and our journey has just begun. I don't know what our new relationship holds for the future, but I know I'm invested for the long haul. Be well, be safe and I am already anxiously awaiting our next reunion. Thank you for listening, for being patient with me and most importantly…not judging me. You are a beautiful person Alex, inside and out… please don't ever forget it…._

_With all my heart,_

_Liv_

Alex clutches the letter as tears run loosely from her baby blue eyes. Her heart is heavy but not from Olivia's sullen story. She finally realizes that she has a history herself and no one really knows who she is. She's never allowed anyone close enough to her heart to do so….until now. Alex decides that when she sees Olivia at the end of the week, she will reveal a secret so dark….so chilling….she's buried it for years hoping it would never rear its ugly head. She knows their relationship shouldn't go any further physically, until both women have laid their cards on the table. Liv has just played her hand and now its Alex's turn.

She places the letter with care under her pillow, sets her alarm for 4:00am and soon finds herself drifting off to sleep due to sheer exhaustion. In only a few hours, Alex will be off to her new home for the next 30 days.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

**Arrival**

It's just like Ground Hog Day….the annoying gripe of Alex's alarm clock jolts her out of bed forcing her into the shower still half asleep. _God….this sucks…._

The pulsating rush of warm water hugs her like the welcoming arms of a mother after a bad day on the play ground. 15 minutes of stalling is enough, she knows she needs to get her ass in gear as she needs to be at the academy ready to instruct by 8am.

Alex blow dries her soft, flaxen, shoulder length hair, applies a light coat of makeup, and jumps into a pair of tan slacks, buttoning her royal blue Ralph Lauren shirt. She collects the last of her belongings scattered about, before loading up the Mercedes.

She gives her massive apartment one last glance, quickly running down the checklist in her head….._lights are on the timer, mail forwarded to Liz, rent paid in advance, laundry basket, suitcases, linens, attaché case, lesson plans, purse, keys…..I'm good._

With a deep sigh, Alex hits the ground running, so to speak, and drives quickly out of the city. Just reaching the outskirts of Manhattan, Alex makes her way Northbound on I-95. She stops at a small filling station for gas, grabs The New York Times, and a large cup of coffee. Providing there's no traffic, she will arrive at the academy around 7am, leaving her just enough time to unload her car, grab her lesson plans and wander around the law enforcement campus a bit…..hopefully.

As Alex gets back into her car, she takes a deep breath, then a long pull from her coffee that she wishes were hotter, and turns on the radio. In a weird way, Alex is kind of excited about her new challenge and change of pace. It sinks in that the break from SVU, the court room drama, the pressure of winning, the heartbreak of losing, the constant worrying about her detectives…..may be good for her.

The radio hums quietly in the background, that is until she hears one of her favorite songs, and it instantly stirs up memories of Liv. Alex is harshly reminded of the strong feelings she's acquired for the detective, which causes her heart to crush and her stomach turn. Alex turns up the volume and mouths every word Steven Tyler croons…..

_**I'm alone  
Yeah, I don't know if I can face the night  
I'm in tears and the cryin' that I do is for you  
I want your love - Let's break the walls between us  
Don't make it tough - I'll put away my pride  
Enough's enough I've suffered and I've seen the light **_

_**  
Baby  
You're my angel  
Come and save me tonight  
You're my angel  
Come and make it all right**_

Don't know what I'm gonna do  
About this feeling inside  
Yes it's true - Loneliness took me for a ride  
Without your love - I'm nothing but a begger  
Without your love - a dog without a bone  
What can I do I'm sleeping in this bed alone

Come and save me tonight

You're the reason I live  
You're the reason I die  
You're the reason I give  
When I break down and cry  
Don't need no reason why

Baby, Baby

You're my angel  
Come and save me tonight  
you're my angel  
Come and take me allright  
Come and save me tonight, Come and save me tonight, Come and save me tonight,  
Come and save me tonight, Come and save me tonight  


The trek seems long and tedious. Her GPS tells her she is 45 minutes south of Ithaca, and the scenery suddenly changes from crowded urban neighborhoods to green rolling pastures spotted with dairy cows, the occasional red barn, and windmills every half mile or so. _I'm definitely getting close….._ She's been driving for just over an hour now.

Several more decent songs come and go on the pre-set satellite radio stations marked _'Favorites'_, and Alex is only a mile from her exit, which will take her to the NYS Law Enforcement Academy. The sun is peeking itself through the muggy July air, and the roads wind through tall rows of green topped maple trees. Up ahead she can see the main entrance to the facility through some still lingering fog. She approaches the gate where two armed and very stoic guards stand, and rolls down her window looking at the dashboard clock…. **6:45am**……_great timing….Liv will make it faster if she takes an unmarked._

She displays her badge and her work ID and the one guard with a name tag that read **Cpl. Browning**, replies in a crisp, yet monotone and militaristic manner: "_Thank you ADA Cabot, DI Robertson is expecting you M'am. Please follow the road around to the left and you can park in an open faculty space. I'll radio ahead and let him know you're here. Have a good day M'am, and welcome…."_

"Thanks Corporal, appreciate it". Alex slowly drives away and does as Browning said. Her tires bump along the dirt and gravel road, throwing gray dust against the shiny and clean black paint of her car. She finds an open space next to an older model green Dodge Ram pick up truck, and cuts the engine.

As she sits quietly for a moment gathering her thoughts, she can hear in the distance the drone of a cadence being sung. She looks to her left where an open field spreads wide, and just over a steep hill, Alex sees a neatly packed platoon of white t-shirts and blue gym shorts making its way towards her.

She stands outside of her car and watches as the group runs past her huffing, puffing and still singing. "_Left! Right!...Left, Right, Left!.....A C-130 is a rollin' down the strip, a Re-con daddy gonna take a little trip……"_

At the rear of the pack there is a young woman. Alex quickly assesses the cadet and can tell she is athletically thin with a muscular frame, about 5'5"….5'6" tops, short textured dark brown hair and a commanding voice that booms forward, directing the squad ahead of her. _Platoon or class leader_ Alex thinks to herself, and is instantly impressed. She counts heads and amongst the sea of testosterone, she only sees 2 other females in the mix, excluding the class leader.

The recruit briefly locks eyes with Alex and respectfully nods her head. The woman reminds her of Olivia in an uncanny way and as she jogs past, Alex reads the name on the back of her shirt….**Federov.**

Alex jumps when she hears the voice behind her "ADA Cabot I presume?" She reels around and looks up at the monstrosity before her. _"Jesus!....._Ah sorry….yes…yes…ADA Cabot….please, call me Alex", and the attorney extends her right hand, firmly shaking the one already in front of her.

"Welcome to the New York State Law Enforcement Academy. I'm DI Robertson, but feel free to call me Walt. I'm in charge of over seeing the recruits and their performance, or lack there of from time to time."

Alex studies the giant for a moment before responding again. He is dark skinned, older, early 50's perhaps, but in incredible shape. His biceps bulge under the tightly rolled sleeves of his camouflage fatigues. His campaign hat sits on top of a freshly cut fade and it's tipped down in such a way, that she can barely see the black eyes that seem to pierce right through her. Alex assumes this is part of the intimidation factor and gulps hard hoping he doesn't notice. The drill instructor's black, high lace jump boots glow so intensely, Alex swears she saw her reflection in the toe.

Robertson is tall, _very_ tall, at least 6'5" and no comparison to Alex's lanky 5'10" frame. He stands with his legs apart and his arms crossed behind him, resting in the small of his back. He is well spoken and very matter-of-fact.

"Ms. Cabot, it is an absolute honor to have you here at this academy. Let me show you to your cabin. I'll get a cadet to assist you with your belongings. Follow me please".

Without hesitating, Alex quickly steps behind Robertson "Thank you Walt, it's a pleasure to be here".

The DI points out the Mess Hall along the way and continues to commentate "Breakfast is 7am sharp, lunch is at noon and dinner 6pm". Alex nods "Ok……"

Just next to the Mess Hall is a smaller building, she reads the bold lettering….**INFIRMARY**…..Walt points again as he strides ahead "In case you're ever in need of medical care, we have one doctor and two nurses on duty 24 hours a day, 7 days a week".

_Good to know…_Alex thinks to herself…._If the food doesn't get me….this guy will…._

Behind the infirmary sat the gym. It was nothing more than an oversized warehouse. Robertson growled "This here is where we PT everyday, feel free after hours to come work out if you so choose…._Hoo Rah!"_

One of the bay doors was rolled up and Alex was able to take a quick peek inside. There were numerous sets of free weights, pull up bars, racks of weighed medicine balls, a row of hanging heavy bags, a few speed bags, several knotted ropes dangling from the ceiling, and five stacks of pads she assumed were used for defensive tactics training.

Robertson cuts a tight left and marches towards two rows of brick dormitories. There were four buildings on each side and a courtyard separated the rows. There were several picnic tables and bar b q grills littered about the yard. On the left a painted wooden sign read _Male Dorms_ and on the right, _Female Dorms_.

Robertson simply stated "Here we have dorm row…guys on the left, girls on the right….straight ahead here is your cabin. Currently you are the only faculty member besides me that is staying on campus. Everyone else commutes".

_Lovely….I was hoping he was married and had a wife to go home to…._

"So….Walt….where is your cabin?" Alex couldn't help herself. Without looking at her, he grumbles…

"No worries Ms. Cabot….I'm about an eighth of a mile east of you"…..and points in the general direction.

"Uh…sorry Walt I didn't mean it like…."

Robertson cuts her off… "No worries M'am….I need my space at the end of the day and trust me when I tell you….you will too".

Alex shakes her head "I don't doubt that….."

Robertson turns on a dime to face Alex and hands her a key. "Here you go Ms. Cabot. It's not much, but it serves its purpose and at least the bed is comfortable".

She takes the key and he posts up just outside of her door like a guard dog. "I'll wait for you here while you check it out, and then I'll walk you back to your car where I'll have a cadet ready to help you with your things. Class starts in 45 minutes".

"Thank you Walt…I really do appreciate it…." Robertson salutes her with his left hand canted "Not a problem M'am".

They walk briskly back to her car and a male cadet still clad in his PT gear, is standing near the trunk at full attention. His feet were perfectly spaced at 45 degrees, hands at his sides and he glared straight ahead.

As she and Robertson approached, the cadet yelled startling her a little…"Good Morning ADA Cabot… _M'am_!! Good Morning DI Robertson…._SIR_!"

Robertson yelled right back…."_At ease recruit DeRosantis!!" _The handsome young man relaxed a little nodding his head at Alex as he extended a hand…."It's a pleasure to meet you Ms. Cabot".

Alex cracked a small smile…."Same here". She popped the trunk and DeRosantis was inside grabbing things within seconds. She followed suit and before long, she was following him back to her cabin.

There were no words exchanged, and the recruit looked as if he had a million other things racing through his mind, obviously too preoccupied to carry on any type of conversation with Alex. Helping her with her things was a direct order, not a social event, and this type of strict disciplined behavior was going to take some getting used to.

DeRosantis carefully stacked her things on top of the neatly made queen size bed, and pointed out the few amenities the cabin had to offer.

He spoke softly and respectfully…."Is there anything else I can do for you Ms. Cabot?"

Alex shook her head…."I don't think so, you've been such a great help already…thank you….please…you can call me Alex…all this formality stuff is weird to me…and um…I didn't catch your first name…."

The young man is sweating now and as he wipes his brow he whispers….

"When all is said and done at the end of the day, I will have no problem calling you Alex….but during our 10 hours on the clock, you will be referred to as Ms. Cabot….I along with the other recruits are called by our last names, and Walt there will always be DI Robertson…. Joe….that's my first name…. but everyone calls me D-Ro for short".

Alex giggles a little "Ok…well then…D-Ro I guess I'll see you for class".

Joe lets off a smile and just before he bolts out the door to go change, Alex presents him with one last question….

"Ah D-Ro…..sorry, I forgot….um what's your class leader's name again?"

Joe shouts from outside her door forgetting she is only 10 feet away… "Federov….Brianna Federov….good girl….she's tough".

Alex nods "Thanks…." She watches as Joe sprints to his dorm. _Poor guy…he only has like 15 minutes to shower and dress…_

Alex grabs her attaché case carrying her laptop, lesson plans, charge book, penal codes and a few other odds and ends, and heads off to the only building she hasn't seen yet, the main class room. She could use the extra few minutes to look over the student roster and set her things up.

She walks inside the drab room brightly illuminated with fluorescent lighting and looks around. She notices her desk, a podium, six 12 foot tables, 3 to each side creating a clear path to walk, and one single table centered perfectly towards the back of the room. She also noticed on the opposite side of the room, a table which housed a large coffee urn, a microwave oven and a full sized refrigerator and freezer.

Alex looks at the clock on the wall as she unloads her attaché case….7:55am. _Shit…this day is going fast…._ All of a sudden she hears stomping coming from the hallway and the faint yell of a familiar voice "_Your left….your left….your left right left….your left……_ " The stomping gets louder and Alex exits the door closer to her desk in order to get a better look.

Here the platoon marches in place awaiting their next command which comes with such force it sends a chill down Alex's spine. "_**Platoon! Halt!" **_and in unison, the cadets' boots mock a one two count…._stomp…stomp…. _silence.

Alex stands with her arms crossed and is amazed at the sight before her. She stares on, peering through her black rimmed glasses, and watches Federov the platoon leader work.

They all look the same, sharply dressed in their class 'A' uniforms. Starched light blue, short sleeved shirts, donned with silver collar brass. Name tags on the breast pockets, an American Flag patch on the left sleeve and the New York State Seal on the right. Black polyester pants with creases so fine, you'd cut yourself, and 8 inch black combat boots so shiny, they look like pools of crystal clear water. Navy blue ball caps hugged each of their heads and in light blue stitching, block letters covering the front read **LAW ENFORCEMENT ACADEMY NYS**

The two other women in the class had their hair neatly tied in buns and the men were cleanly shaven, including all of their heads. They looked like cue balls on a pool table. Second to last in line, stood a Hispanic male and in his right hand he carried a large flag. _He must be the 'guide-on'_. Olivia told her once several years ago, the infrastructure of an academy class, so she wasn't all that clueless.

In unison, the class suddenly shouted the following verse at the top of their lungs, and Alex quickly learned this would be the routine every day…..

"_Highly motivated, extremely dedicated, rough, tough, can't get enough law enforcements recruits of class 114!! Hoooo-Raaaaaah!"_

Oh my, this was going to get old….fast. One by one, the cadets ripped the covers from their heads stuffing them in the backs of their pants, and ran inside the class room. Each one stood in front of their respective seat until the last person in the door was Federov.

Once inside, she yelled _"Class! Ah-ten-tion! Final count is 35, all present and accounted for!"_

Alex feeling very uncomfortable, walks back inside. She is unsure what to do, so she smiles and holds up her right hand in an attempt to wave.

Federov once again yells at the top of her lungs "_Seats!"_ All 35 recruits drop at once, asses hitting seats in compliance with Federov's final demand.

Alex looks at the class, who silently await her next move. She notices immediately the table to the rear of the room and who is occupying it. Federov sits in the middle and she has two men to her right and two men to her left. The Hispanic male, the guide-on, sat at the very end, almost isolated from the group.

Intrigued, Alex can't help but stare at Federov. She can feel her face flush. The young woman, Brianna as Joe called her, had her short brown hair tousled about her crown in such a way it made Alex salivate a little. Her eyes were stunning, light blue and so bright, she could easily get lost in them.

Alex was aggravated. She only had feelings for one woman and one woman only and that was Detective Olivia Benson. Before Olivia came into the picture, Alex never noticed women before, and she certainly never thought about them in a sexual way. Sure, she was mature enough to recognize and appreciate an attractive female, but never did she think other than Olivia of course, a woman to be _sexy._

So just what the fuck was going through her head as she sat gawking at Federov? Alex hated labels and she swore she'd never attach one to herself or Olivia or what they had in the way of a relationship, but Alex summed it up in less than 30 seconds, her true identity that is.

_I am such a lesbian….._

Quickly snapping herself back into reality, she breaks her stare from Federov and addresses the class.

"Good Morning. I am Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot. I'm a prosecutor for the state of New York, and I work exclusively for the 16th precincts Special Victims Unit or more commonly known as SVU, as their personal ADA. I've been with the unit for the last 3 years and I help them put away the monsters that commit horrific sex crimes. I have been selected to teach the last high liability block of your formal academy training, and hopefully you will get something out of what I plan to give to you in the way of fast education. Everyone, I'd like to welcome you to Legal, the backbone of your jobs in essence. I'll try to make the next month as painless as possible, but I'm going to need a little help from you all on a daily basis".

Alex can feel the tension drain as she becomes more at ease and comfortable in front of the class.

_Piece of cake…they'll be in the palm of my hand by days end…._

Alex's mind drifts momentarily as she lets out a muffled sigh. She can't help but day dream about Olivia and wonders if the incredible detective is thinking of her too.

_Ughhhhh……I miss you Livey……._

**TBC……**


	11. Chapter 11

*** I am so so sorry for the long absence! I've had so much going on with family and work that it was nearly impossible for me to update. I hope this chapter finds you all well. I am back and so is everyone else in the story so ENJOY As always, please review and comment. More chapters to follow soon. ***

**Tough Crowd**

**Chapter Eleven**

It's a typical hectic Monday morning on the streets of Manhattan, and it seems like forever since Olivia has seen Alex. In reality it's been less than 24 hours. The detective runs a hand through her short, choppy brown hair. She feels an extra heavy dose of grumpiness setting in, and she lets out a sigh backed with agitation.

She makes her way to _The Brewery_, her favorite place to grab coffee, and picks up a 'Box O' Joe' for her and her partners. She knows its going to be a long day, especially since she has to deal with Abby Carmichael….Alex's stand-in.

It's not that Olivia has anything against Abby, she is a nice enough girl, she is a go-getter, has a great track record, and she's easy on the eyes with out a doubt. It's just that….well…she's not _Alex._

Olivia sits at her desk with her hands on either side of head and elbows propped up on top of a few dozen folders. _I can't deal with this today._ Reluctantly she opens the top file and begins to read it. She slams it shut almost knocking it onto the floor, pushes away from the desk, and huffs away in her _'I mean business' _attitude, stomping her way up to the crib.

Elliott looks over at Finn who barks: "What's her problem?"

Elliott thinks he has a good idea of what or rather _who _the problem is, but decides to keep the revelation to himself….."Nothing man…probably just one of those days"…..

Finn with a scowl musters under his breath "Yeah it's Monday….tends to piss up everybody's mornin' "…..he walks away shaking his head…._women._

Elliott laughs at Finn and can hear John Munch coming down the corridor….. "I can't believe the health bill passed! Can you fathom it? We're all screwed I'm tellin' ya and…."

"JOHN! Will you shut the hell up? Seriously man….your worse than the Conspiracy Theory"……Finn throws a wadded up piece of paper at the pessimistic detective and watches it bounce off of his salt and pepper hair and onto the floor. John scowls at Finn while giving him the finger.

Elliott chuckles as he walks past Munch and heads up towards the crib…."How's that workin out for you John?"

Munch just mocks Elliott like an 8 year old….. "_Meh…how's that workin out for you John!….._you watch…all you fuckers!…." he points scanning the room with his finger and walks away to get a cup of the coffee that Olivia brought.

Liv is curled up in a ball on one of the cots, and she pretends to be asleep in hopes that Elliott will leave her alone…..no such luck….he knows her better than that, and he tends to stand for none of her garbage either.

"Knock knock……Liv?......you ok?" Elliott walks in and sits on an empty cot next to his partner, who seems to be wiping away what looks like tears from her red and very swollen eyes. He thinks to himself….. _she has it bad…how the hell am I going to help her through the next 30 days?_

"I'm ok El….just needed a few minutes to myself. I'm not really feeling all that well this morning."

"I can tell….you look like shit". Elliott laughs a little waiting to see the response he gets from Olivia. If she says nothing, than he knows to just drive her home now….if she makes a smart ass remark back, followed up by a punch or a kick to the groin, then they are in business. He actually hopes she will just flat out deck him in the head.

He knows things were pretty tense between them over the weekend, and wasn't sure if she'd even talk to him today, but Olivia tends not to hold grudges against him for too long. Actually, the only reason she's not holding the past few days over his head, is because she is too consumed with Alex. Elliot isn't stupid. He knows this to be the truth.

"Thanks asshole….I love you too". There we go….that's the Liv we all know and adore so much.

"You wanna talk about it?......talk about _her_?"

_Godammit….this is exactly what I was trying to avoid…._

"What do you mean _her_? _Her _has a name….and it's spelled A – L - E - X." She sits up now and stares into the concerned, deep brown eyes of her partner.

"C'mon Liv, don't get defensive…..this isn't the interrogation room and I'm not a perp. It's me….there isn't anything you can't talk to me about….." Olivia knowing what a devout and strict Catholic Elliott is, she thinks to herself…._Oh contrare buddy….._

Olivia can feel her blood start to boil as she wags a finger in front of Elliott's face…. "_Bullshit! _You climbed up my ass and back down it again over the weekend! After what you said about Alex….and _now_ you want me to play nice? Uh uh El….it doesn't work like that."

Olivia crosses her arms around her knees which are now pulled tight up to her chest. She doesn't want to, but she can't hold back the salty tears any longer that start to pour from her eyes. All of these emotions that she isn't used to, are just tumbling down on top of her. She hasn't cried this much in a life time. Olivia hates every minute of this roller coaster right now.

"I needed you El…..and you shut me out!"

Elliott hangs his head. He can deal with just about anyone being upset with him, even his wife….but he hates it when he knows he's screwed Olivia.

"I know Liv….I fucked up…big time….and I'm sorry. I can't take back the last few days, but I can start by being there for you now. Let me….let me help you….." Elliott extends a hand towards Olivia.

The seemingly fragile detective crawls over to her friend and hugs him. This is strange for Elliott, because other than the time his kids were born, and Kathy getting into a car accident, Olivia hasn't touched him in the eleven years they've been partners and friends.

Those were quick 'Hey congratulations' and 'Oh I'm sorry is there anything I can do?' hugs…..this was a desperate, heartfelt 'I need you' hug and it perplexed Elliott, but he snapped into action and held the wreck before him. This was new for him, seeing his partner actually _feel_ something other than trauma, despair and pain, and usually all for the victims they fight for on a daily basis.

After a few minutes of silence, hair stroking and back patting, Olivia looked Elliott in the eyes and said: "I love her El…..I can't help it…..I'm _in_ love with Alex Cabot".

Elliott smiled, a sincere smile, not a phony bullshit smile that he puts on for work mode. He looked at Liv and in the truest response ever, he replied: "I'm happy for you Liv….really….this is a good thing. Alex is a good girl and she is lucky to have you".

Not the response Olivia expected and she felt bad for doubting the man before her. Wiping her eyes, Olivia tilted her head "Really?"

She's not sure why Elliott's approval or confirmation meant so much to her, but she instantly felt better knowing he was no longer judging her and supported her….and Alex.

"I can cover for you….do you need to take the day off? Clear your head?...or do you want to talk about it….fill me in…get it off your back…..?"

Olivia took a deep breath. "No….I don't need the day off, I'm ok….but I will let you know what happened and why Alex isn't here."

Elliott shook his head satisfied with his partner's decision and pointed down towards the bullpen….. "Ok, well let's at least get out of here and go grab some breakfast….inquiring minds want to know….that's all we need is the peanut gallery of Munch and Finn honing in on our conversation".

Olivia agrees and they make their way to "Big-D's" across the street from the 1-6. She feels as if 100 pounds has been lifted off of her, but she quickly feels her heart ache as she thinks of Alex and wonders what her first day at the Academy is like.

Olivia orders a blueberry muffin and Elliott a pile of scrambled eggs, bacon and toast. With a mouthful of food, Elliott sneers…. "So, how long you been dogging after our ADA?"

Olivia rolls her eyes…."Dogging? You mean hopelessly lusting, day dreaming, and stressing over her?"

Between bites Elliott smirks "Yeah….that too…."

A small smile brims across Olivia's face …."Mmmmm only like the last 3 years".

Elliott twists his face "3 years?!…..Liv….what the hell….and you're only doing something about this _now_?"

Olivia sits back in the booth and defensively crosses her arms… "Geez El….cut me some slack will ya? I didn't know what it was I was feeling….Jesus I'm still a bumbling idiot about it really…..I have no clue what to do when it comes to you know…..I mean I have a pretty good idea but…."

Olivia's face is bright red and Elliott has his tongue in his cheek holding back his sinister and awkward signature grin. Olivia can just about see the perverted images in his head, and kicks him under the table, hard.

"Elliott Stabler cut it out!" He roars with laughter as his eyes well with tears.

"OK ok ok….I'm sorry! I can't help it….two beautiful women…."

Olivia glares "Enough El….." She is shocked.

She thought for sure he would have thrown the Bible at her by now or tried to talk her out of her feelings….correcting her back into heterosexual thoughts, but he didn't, and she knew her secret was safe with him and she got her best friend back in the process.

They sat for two hours, talking. Elliott listened intently as Olivia explained blow by blow how Alex actually put her ass on the line for their case. Every now and then the conversation drifted to how Olivia's personal feelings for the ADA had blossomed over the last 3 years. She felt closer now than she ever had before to Elliott. He whole heartedly apologized for the way he treated Alex, and promised Olivia he would make it right with her when she returned.

She was glad, they both were, that they mended their brief separation and that Olivia came clean about her sexuality and her feelings for Alex. They both agreed it was time to hit the Cavanaugh case head on again, and put Barnett where he belonged; in a cage with all of the other animals.

It was nearly noon when Olivia and Elliott returned to the squad room. Olivia saw her before Elliott did….Abby Carmichael. She stood just outside of Cragen's door, arms folded, hair neatly wrapped in a bun pinned to the back of her head and a cocky smirk. She was talking to someone from what she could tell, and it wasn't the Captain.

_Son of a bitch….._Trevor Langdon. Now there was a man Olivia wished she'd never have to see or deal with ever again. Why on earth was _he _in _her_ bullpen?

The last time Olivia saw Trevor, he was on a date with Alex, at Le Cirque about a year ago. She and Elliott had to get a search warrant approved and when Alex fielded the call, she was having dinner with the overly confident Special Fraud Unit ADA. Alex reluctantly agreed to have the two come to the restaurant.

Olivia will never forget the look on Alex's face as she and Elliott sauntered over to the pair in the elegant eatery. If Alex could have crawled under the table, Olivia is sure she would have. That worm Langdon was holding her hand, cooing all sorts of garbage as she is trying to read the warrant before approving it.

With the precious document in one hand, Olivia 'accidentally' knocked over a full glass of Cabernet with the other, all over Langdon's $3,000.00 suit as she turned to leave. She watched Alex's eyes widen and her mouth fall open, but not in horror….she started to laugh….they all did….except for Trevor. He stormed off to the bathroom more worried about his suit than his dignity.

"Ugh! Sorry Alex!" Olivia acted like she was mortified and Elliott just stood by with his ever famous shit eating grin. "Yeah, she's really clumsy….sorry pal."

Elliott didn't like Langdon either but for reasons different than Olivia's. He let a scum bag loose that Elliot faught 6 months to put away. He knew Trevor blew the case and trial for political gain, hence his current position working with SFU instead of SVU.

What a night that was! Olivia regained her focus back on Langdon and wondered why he was here today.

"ADA Langdon. Nice to see you again. Isn't SVU a little out of your sandbox? By the way, how's the suit?" Olivia couldn't help herself.

She watched as his face blushed and he drew his lips in a stiff line across his fake white veneers. "Yeah, suit's in the garbage. Anyway Detective Benson, I'm here just to hand deliver Ms. Carmichael to you."

Olivia smiled at the young woman who seemed eager to start what Olivia hoped was just a brief stint in the unit.

"Thanks Trev, I think we can handle things from here and get Abby acquainted. We'll take good care of her….don't you worry". Olivia winked at Langdon and he was clearly urked by the condescending term the detective used to address him…._Trev….._

Glares from Finn, Munch and Elliott all confirmed he had overstayed his welcome and that he best be on his way. With that, Langdon quickly turned to leave the squad room and could hear the chided remarks as he walked out…"Later Trev"…… "See ya Trevvy"……. and Munch….god bless Munch sometimes….. "Yeah see ya Lang a dang a ding dong"……

Abby just looked on, not sure if she should join in on the laughter the detectives shared. She feared she'd be out of place and although found the remarks and dislike towards her co-worker hysterical, kept her comments and her facial expressions to herself.

"So….Abby….how've you been?" Olivia tried to act like she cared.

"Good Liv thanks. How about you?"

Abby was bright eyed and nervous. Olivia picked up on this and decided to give the young woman a break. She was always professional and really sweet to Olivia. The detective knew it would be unfair to make her any more uncomfortable than she already was. She didn't ask for this after all, and she is trying to cope with the situation just as all the rest of them are.

Abby knows she is no match against the all mighty Alex Cabot, but she has some skill, can spit a mean game when she has to, and is ready to accept the challenge SVU is about to bring her for the next 30 days. For those reasons alone Olivia respects her, but knows the demands of this unit all too well and just hopes Abby is ready for the ride.

"Eh you know….same old shit, different day". Abby nods and refrains from allowing the comment of '_Oh I understand….trust me'….._to escape her lips.

"Look Abby, we have a lot to catch you up on with this whole Barnett case. It's sort of a mess right now." Olivia puts a hand on the ADA's shoulder and guides her to have a seat at her desk in front of the 3 foot stack of files and paper work.

Abby takes a deep breath, letting it out in a quick huff and says: "Guys….go put on a few pots of coffee. We have a trial to prepare for and a predator to put away."

_I like this girl……_

Olivia hops to, makes several pots of coffee and Elliott starts from the beginning with the case.

Hours and hours go by and the next time anyone looks at a clock it says its 11:30 pm.

Abby decides to test the waters. "Hey, I'm out of toothpicks for our eyes. I think it's time to call it a night".

The ADA has a dry sense of humor and it's refreshing. Alex was too uptight sometimes and not until now, do Olivia and Elliott see it.

"You're doing Good Abby. This is a real shit storm to walk into and be expected to fix". The words are comforting coming from Olivia.

"Thanks, that's why I became a prosecutor. Lord knows I didn't do it for the money, but a good shit storm every now and then does a body good". Olivia cracks a smile and lets a husky laugh escape her tired core.

Wearily, Abby collects her paperwork, laptop and some other files strewn about, and shoves them into her briefcase. "You like that huh?"

Olivia nods "I like that you can keep up with us. We are a twisted bunch".

Abby looks down at her shoes before making eye contact with the detective again………..

"Well I'd rather work with a bunch of twisted cops that at least have a pulse, instead of a crew of pencil pushers that don't know what it's like to work a beat and haven't gotten up from behind their desks in 10 years".

With that, Abby heads out the door. "Good night guys….see you in the morning". As Elliott and Olivia watch her disappear, Olivia thinks about Alex and her stomach drops.

"Not too bad….I'm kind of surprised actually"……Elliott says as he takes a pull of luke warm coffee from his mug.

"Yeah, I think she'll be ok here." Olivia removes her hands from her pockets and slides her jacket over her shoulders. "Night El…."

"Night Liv…..you want a ride home? It's late…."

Olivia shakes her head "Nah, I'm ok….walk will be good for me. Need to clear my head and process a few things".

Elliott shrugs his shoulders "Ok….call me if you need anything. See you in the morning".

"Thanks El….."

Elliott looks over and smiles at Olivia "For what…..?"

"Being you……" Olivia smiles back as she heads for the elevators. Elliott winks and closes the door behind him.

Olivia takes in the night air, admiring the stars and wonders if Alex sees the same breath taking sight. She feels her phone vibrate and looks at the caller ID…… _ADA Cabot….._

With a sigh of relief Olivia exhales "Benson….."

"Hey you……did I wake you? I couldn't sleep".

Olivia briefly closes her eyes, capturing every word.

"No, not at all. I'm just leaving actually. How are you? How was your first day?"

Alex filled Olivia in assuring her it wasn't as bad as she initially thought, and told her she is actually excited to bring some positive change to the program. Alex switches gears a little and asks about Abby.

"So, how did Abby do today? I hope she didn't get on your nerves."

Olivia hesitated before responding "She was ok Alex. I think she will work out just fine in your absence. I did however see your boyfriend Trevor today".

Alex can feel her stomach sink a little and will never forget the night Olivia and Elliott scared him away from her. She laughs and says "Good ole Trevor….what was he doing down at SVU? I'm shocked he actually spoke to you….."

"Yeah well, I wouldn't go that far. He was 'hand delivering' Abby to us. Like she's a piece of precious cargo or something. I think he was just seeing if he could find out any dirt about you."

Alex sighs "Well that doesn't surprise me."

Olivia can feel her blood pressure start to elevate and quickly realizes Trevor is no competition and certainly not a threat. If Alex ever decides she wants that lame ass for a companion, then they deserve each other as far as she's concerned. Olivia quickly dismisses the thought and continues her much awaited conversation with the love of her life.

"I feel better now that I hear your voice Livy. I should probably try and get some sleep. I'm sure the troops will be up bright and early at 5am singing and running and whatever else they feel the need to be doing at that ungodly hour."

Olivia laughs and feels better as well having heard Alex on the other end of the phone. She's glad that she is not a total mess, nor completely miserable.

"Ok Al…..I miss you, but we're one day closer to Friday."

Alex closes her eyes "I miss you too….and I know. You have no idea how excited I am to see you."

Olivia smirks "Oh I think I have a pretty good idea…..Good night Al…."

Alex pulls her glasses from her face and sets them on the night stand next to the academy bed "Night Liv…."

She decided against bringing up the letter that Olivia wrote. She sounded like she had an exhausting day and didn't want to add to the stress. She'll bring it up over the weekend unless Olivia brings it up first. Alex knows all too well the trauma and the damage sometimes scratching an open a wound can do.

Olivia strips out of her work clothes leaving them in a heap on her bedroom floor. She slips into a pair of navy blue boxers, a white tank and crawls under the covers. In her left hand she holds Alex's gray Harvard t-shirt that she wore to bed over the weekend. She can still smell the ADA, and the calming scent immediately allows Olivia to fall into a deep slumber. She drifts off thinking of the beautiful woman……

**TBC…….**


	12. Chapter 12

*** Still busy as ever, but I'm so happy to be continuing the story. Things are starting to heat up for Alex at the academy. She can't seem to stay away from trouble! We're getting closer to the reunion…Friday is almost here for our divafied crime fighting duo. I'll be introducing some new characters too in the next couple of chapters, so keep your eyes open. As always, please enjoy and leave comments and feed back. It's much appreciated. Love you guys!! ***

**Ten Times Over**

**Chapter Twelve**

Day two. 5 am came fast and furious for Alex. She was woken up to the sound of DI Robertson screaming at the cadets to "Get on their faces!"

As she peered through half closed blinds, all 35 recruits were face down on the ground in a push up position. Robertson was relentlessly attacking Brianna Federov verbally, and this really fueled a fire in the pit of Alex's stomach.

_Don't do it Alex….this is part of their training. They are all adults and can handle themselves accordingly. _

She kept repeating similar verses in her head for several seconds, but her protective nature got the better of her and before she could stop herself, she was storming out the door in her sleep shorts and tank top, making a beeline for Robertson.

"THAT'S ENOUGH WALT! GET AWAY FROM HER……_NOW!_" Alex looked like a crazed animal.

Her face was crimson, her flaxen hair awry, and her fierce blue eyes pierced like darts through her smart, black rimmed glasses. She caught herself and unclenched her right hand which was wound tight into a ball, ready to unleash holy hell on the immense drill instructor.

Alex heaved her chest up and down as she panted out of breath, quickly realizing she had 34 wide eyed and stunned police recruits standing at full attention. There was one student however, huddled in a mound on the pavement; Federov.

Alex pointed her finger at Robertson and hissed through gritted teeth as she circled closer to the girl….. "You….you _stay_ away from her…..you hear me?"

Clearly perturbed, but too shocked really to do anything, Robertson put both of his hands up and calmly tried talking Alex down…."Ms. Cabot…..relax….please….this is just…just part of their training. We go through this every morning, every evening and about a dozen other times throughout the course of a day."

Alex ignored Walt and she bent down next to Federov. She reached a hand out to help the weary girl up, but was taken aback when she was pushed away.

If looks could kill, Alex would've been DRT (dead right there) Federov growled….."Get away from me Cabot….I can handle _myself_. I don't need you daunting over me like a baby….now step the fuck back and LET. ME. GO….."

Alex did what Brianna ordered, and stumbled backwards a little as the cadet jumped to her feet. Clearly mortified, the woman clad in her uniform ran past all the others who just stared straight ahead, and disappeared into the female dormitory.

"Class! Fallout!" Robertson roared and in an instant, 34 bodies were a sea of asses and elbows scattering about the campus.

Alex's eyes met Walt's and she felt a wave of nausea overcome her. She could see the veins throb on either side of his neck and she knew he was using extreme restraint with her.

"Ms. Cabot, take 10 minutes to gather yourself, and meet me in the instructor's lounge. You and I need to have a talk about your display here this morning and how we run things at this academy. Now, I mean no disrespect to you Counselor, but if you don't pull your act together and get a grip, you'll leave me no choice but to call Liz. Don't think for a second I won't have her ship your ass out of here. Don't, and I mean _DO NOT_ force my hand". He turned on a dime and was gone, and she did the same.

_FUCK! Fuck…Fuck…Fuck….I'm screwed….what the hell was I thinking?_

As Alex clamored around and threw some clothes on, she couldn't help but think about Brianna Federov. She was just trying to help, why did she reject her like that? It was clear Alex's own troubled past reared it's ugly head this morning and she knew she was walking a fine line. She needed to make things right, on all accounts. First things first though, mend and smooth over Robertson.

Alex stood inside the instructor's lounge and heard the militaristic _thud, thud, thud_ of jump boots snapping against the linoleum floors.

Walt entered holding two cups of coffee and without saying a word, handed Alex a cup and motioned for her to have a seat. She obliged on both offers.

Walt let out a deep breath before he spoke "Ms. Cabot look, I'm not sure just what you know or don't know about law enforcement academies, but you got a small taste of it this morning. Everything we do around here, it's for a reason….right down to the extreme physical aspects and mind fucks….excuse my French"…..

Alex looked at the man and nodded her head "Walt, please call me Alex and I know….I'm…..I'm so sorry. I eat, sleep and breathe cops….court….perps….I….I don't know what happened….I saw Brianna on the ground and….well….it just brought me to a terrible place…I thought she….I thought you….you hurt her".

Walt closed his eyes "I can see where you're coming from and I'm sorry that happened right outside of your window….that's my fault. Here's what I want you to understand about Brianna Federov though, she is the toughest recruit I have….period. She's tougher than three quarters of the men for christs sake and I push her the hardest out of them all. She wants it that way Alex and she will be the most successful and gifted cop NYPD has seen in awhile".

Alex sits in silence and despite the intimidating front Robertson displays, she's quite impressed with just how rational and sensitive the man really is.

"Thank you for bearing with me, and I'm sorry if I caused such a scene this morning. _That_ will never happen again." Alex isn't use to having to swallow her pride and humble herself. She is after all the "Ice Queen".

_Dammit Liz…lesson one learned…practice restraint and know when to keep your mouth shut……_

"You're right Alex….that won't ever happen again because I run the show around here. I know you are quite accustomed to calling the shots, making decisions well above my pay grade, but you aren't anything here except our guest….got it?"

_Lesson two…..the truth hurts sometimes….._

"Yeah, I got it". With that, Walt dismisses her and she heads back to her cabin to get ready for class.

_Ugh…how am I going to face these people this morning after what happened?_

Alex showers, washing away the turn of events from earlier. She knows to keep her head up as ADA Cabot will not accept defeat. She needs to stay focused and do what she was sent here to do, teach these recruits the law. Her ass is on the line and she's running out of chances.

It's 7:58 am and Alex is right on time. She opens the classroom door, and is greeted by 35 sharply dressed recruits standing at attention in front of their chairs.

"SEATS!" Alex hears Federov's voice command from the back of the room, and all 35 sit in unison.

Alex decides to play along, and realizes she needs to start treating these people with the respect they've earned thus far. She needs to stop acting like a clueless airhead that is constantly surprised and shocked with the way things are executed around here. She needs to stop acting like this is the first time she's been around a para-militaristic organization. It's insulting to them. She gets it now. She insulted Brianna this morning.

_Lesson three….treat people the way you want to be treated…._

Alex decides this isn't the time nor the place for apologies. She has a curriculum to instruct. She figures the recruits must do things together after hours for recreation and relief; she'll find out and take care of business later.

Instead of verbally greeting the class as she had done the day before, she takes back her stoic and cold persona, and simply nods her head as an intro as she looks over the crowd.

_They want professional, they'll get professional…and then some._

"Elements. Plain and simple. Who knows what they are?" Alex wastes no time and acts as if the earlier morning drama hadn't even occurred.

"You mean in reference to crimes Ms. Cabot?" The voice is familiar. It's no longer angry. Federov speaks and 34 heads turn to look at her, then to Alex. The class could have cared less what the answer was, they were more intrigued as to the interaction that was about to take place between the two women.

_Lesson four….never judge a book by it's cover….._

"Yes….the elements of crime". Alex gulps and can feel her nerves begin to stir. She's in control however, and the physiology of what she is feeling isn't apparent to everyone else.

_Brianna….you wanna play ball? We'll play ball….._

Federov locks eyes with the ADA as she answers…….. "Ms. Cabot, when referencing the law, it is generally agreed that the essential ingredients of any crime are number one, a voluntary act or omission, and number two, an accompaniment of a certain state of mind powered with or by an act. An act as you well know, may be defined as any kind of voluntary human behavior. Criminal liability on the other hand, requires that the harm done must have been caused by the accused. The true test of the causal relationship between conduct and the result however, is that the event would not have happened the same way without direct participation from the offender."

A low whistle sounds from the middle of the room followed by a couple of snickers and sneers. All eyes are now on Alex for the retort.

_My God…..she's brilliant. Why is she wasting her time becoming a police officer? _

_Lesson five….see individuals for who they are, not for what you want them to be…._

Alex refuses to let the genius in the back of the room know how impressive she is. She knows this will add to her already inflated head and decides to teach the young woman a lesson.

"Thank you Ms. Federov for the in depth dissertation. I simply wanted what the 'act' and 'state of mind' are called. I know what the rest embodies".

Alex watches as Federov raises an eyebrow and sits silently, seeming to stare right through her, clearly not shaken one bit by the banter, but rather amused.

_This little bitch reminds me of me when I was in law school….that's not good. I may have met my match with this one._

Alex's attention is drawn to a raised hand to the left of her. She glances towards the awkwardly handsome young man in the second row. She scans the seating chart on her desk and points to him…."Yes Mr. Hardy, go ahead"……

He smiles professionally but she can see it's backed with sarcasm "Ah what you're looking for M'am I believe is _Mens rea_ and _Actus reus_".

"Thank you Mr. Hardy, that's right. Attention to detail people, as I stated, plain and simple".

Alex glanced towards Federov for a reaction. The woman sat staring back, slightly nodding her head. She read the ADA loud and clear. _Game on….._

Alex now addressed the entire room "You see, it's not about _what_ the right answer is, it's about _how_ you answer the question. When you people get up on the stand one of these days soon, don't give the defense any more than they need. Remember in most cases, less is more, keep it simple".

The students seemed to like what they were hearing as pens scratched madly away in notebooks.

"So, moving on with elements….let's expand on those for a bit….." Alex carried on for the rest of the day speaking wise words to the group. She quickly grew accustom to the routine of line formations, physical activity and strict schedules.

She was invited by DeRosantis to join the platoon for dinner, which she respectfully declined. She instead decided to leave the campus and head into the very small town to get something to eat.

On her way into town, she passed a series of very large and very old brick buildings. The village of buildings sat approximately a half of a mile behind the academy. She read the sign as she passed, and a chill crept her spine… _Oak Wood Mental Health Facility for Adults._

The small sub town of Ithaca called Johnstown, was miniscule. You were through it in the blink of an eye. Alex decided on _Amy's Deli_ for dinner, grabbing a salad and a cup of homemade chicken noodle soup. It was good….damn good.

Alex smiled as she thought about her detective. She picked up her cell phone and dialed…. "_You've reached Detective Olivia Benson….I'm not able…"_ Alex closed her eyes and hung up without leaving a message.

"Dammit Liv….I miss you so much". A tear rolled down Alex's cheek. Tuesday was over pretty much and Wednesday would be here soon. _Two more days…._

_Lesson six….absence makes the heart grow fonder…..(like hell it does)_

It was nearly 7:30 pm and Alex figured she better get back before nightfall, as this was a place she wouldn't want to be alone or lost.

She parked her car and walked slowly back to her cabin. She decided before turning in however, that she'd explore the campus a bit.

Alex could see lights on in the gym. One of the bay doors is cracked open and she stands in the shadows as she peers in. Music blares and she makes out the angry words…..

'Something must be done  
About vengeance, a badge and a gun  
'Cause I'll rip the mike, rip the stage, rip the system  
I was born to rage against 'em

Fist in ya face, in the place  
And I'll drop the style clearly  
Know your enemy...Know your enemy!'

Alex watches as the incredibly fit woman wearing an olive drab tank top and gray academy shorts, dances around one of the hanging heavy bags. Her hands are wrapped in athletic tape and she pounds the bag relentlessly moving it more with every punch. Sweat drenches her from head to toe and glistens over her toned and raging muscles.

She's stunning….clearly stunning and Alex is disturbed. She owes Federov an apology but this isn't the time. She's sure the woman is picturing her face on the bag as she plows into it.

Alex leaves well enough alone and backs away. She walks past the next building. It appears to be a rest room that is now out of commission and being used as storage. She can see what she believes is the flicker of a flashlight coming from inside and decides to investigate. She faintly hears a woman's voice and calls out…."Hello? Anybody in here?"

The air is still and thick inside the small building. Alex comes to a closet door which is closed. On the floor outside of the door, is a flashlight growing dimmer by the second. She can hear the woman's voice coming from the closet and she puts her ear against the door to listen….

"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me, and the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me… I do not nullify the grace of God; for if justification comes through the law, then Christ died for nothing."

Alex instinctively knows what she hears is desperate and not good. She can feel the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. Alex tries the doorknob, but is met with resistance indicating it was locked. She's watched Elliott, Olivia and the rest of the unit, bust through enough doors and looks to see which way this one opens.

"Shit! It opens inward and to the left….who the hell designed this place?" Alex can hear the woman inside and the words that are now a constant stream, no longer make sense.

Alex feels her hair and discovers what she was looking for, a bobby pin. She picks up the flashlight and uses what ever little light was coming from it and holds it up to the doorknob. She feverishly picks at the lock and in a few seconds hears the 'pop' she was hoping for. Alex puts down the flash light and counts to herself under her breath…."one….two….three…."

She shoves the door hard with her left shoulder and as it opens, she identifies herself…."This is Alex Cabot!….I'm with the police academy….I don't want to harm you…I'm here to help…."

Alex feels in the pit of her stomach that maybe this wasn't the safest way to do this. Olivia would be pissed that she had no back up and no weapon. She taught her better than that.

_Lesson seven…..don't bite off more than you can chew…._

The door suddenly rushes open and Alex is grabbed by her right arm and pulled inside. "No! No no no nooooooo! Not again……"

She flashes back 20 years, and fights the vile and terrifying experience from her mind. Alex finds herself face to face in a space no larger than 3 feet by 6 feet with a woman at least 4 inches taller than her, 250 pounds as a rough estimate, buck ass naked and stark raving mad.

The door shuts and Alex is now once again in the fight for her life. The ranting woman lunges at Alex, grabbing for her neck as she spews jumbled verses from the Bible. Alex is able to draw her right knee up and brace herself on the wall behind her as she sinks her foot into the bulging abdomen of the maniacal female.

It works enough to get the beast away for just a second so Alex can regroup, thinking of her next move. She screams at the top of her lungs "HELP! HELP ME…….PLEASE! SOMEBODY!"

Alex looks up only to see that the woman has ripped the curtain and it's rod from the wall. As she tries the door, she is met with the sharp end of the broken metal rod in her neck. Alex struggles with both hands to keep the rod at bay and away from her jugular. She stares into the eyes of the lunatic before her. No one was home, all Alex could see was pupils, dark black pupils….like a zombie.

"Lady please! Don't do this….." Alex smells it before she sees it. The woman is defecating and urinating all over the floor. Alex gags at the revelation.

The woman yells from the throws of her belly "Oooohhh yeah! Get them demons out baby! I'm gettin them demons out! Hell yeah!"

The sweat pours from Alex's brow and stings her eyes like mace. She blinks hard to keep the steam from blinding her. She thinks of Olivia and how she wishes her girlfriend would come to her rescue.

Alex snaps out of her trance and continues to fight the woman for the curtain rod. Suddenly, she hears a voice. It yells her name. It's a female but it's not Olivia, this she knows for sure.

"ALEX! Alex! Where are you standing in this closet? Which side?" Alex yells back "I'm on the right!"

"Alex, stand as far back up against the far right wall as possible ok?!"

Through tears, Alex cries "O o o….Ok ok ok".

With an ear deafening "BANG!" the door crashes open smashing into the forehead of the insane woman, knocking her unconscious. Alex watches as she falls back against the opposite wall sliding down it, into the pile of her own feces and urine.

Alex jumps from the closet and falls to the floor outside. Brianna Federov breathes fast and deep kneeling next to the ADA taking her into her arms….. "Cabot!....Cabot…..Alex!....hey! it's ok….it's ok….I'm here….I got you…."

Clearly in shock Alex mumbles "What the fuck just happened? Who the hell is that woman?"

Federov rips a pair of handcuffs from the back of her shorts and within seconds, drags the still unconscious and bleeding woman from the closet and secures her with ease. "I called for help the minute I heard you yelling from inside of here. I think this one escaped from Oak Wood….the mental health facility just down the road. It will be ok Alex….."

Alex still too upset to respond, just gulps and nods. Derosantis, Robertson, the doctor, both nurses and several orderlies from Oak Wood arrive seconds later.

Robertson helps Alex to her feet. "Oh my God Alex….are you ok? How….how the hell did this happen?" His voice is angry now, but not at her. He points a finger in the face of one of the orderlies "Get your patient and get the fuck off my grounds! Keep your animals on your side of the god damn fence!"

Without a shred of emotion, the woman is injected in both thighs with 'Vitamin H' (Haldol), secured with a straight jacket, and covered with a blanket before being hauled away back to Oak Wood.

Federov turns her attention to the blond attorney "C'mon Cabot….I'll walk you back to your cabin. You've had enough for one night….besides….you need your rest for tomorrow".

Alex looks confused "Tomorrow? Whats tomorrow other than Wednesday?"

Federov chuckles "Tomorrow I kick your ass in legal….I let ya slide today".

Alex barely lets a smile crack her face, but she can't help a small sigh escape "Ahhh Brianna….I think you're gonna be good for me."

Once back at Alex's cabin, Federov looks at her "Listen, I'm real sorry for what happened to you tonight, but you and I need to have a talk about back up and using your head for stuff other than twisting the law around those pretty little fingers of yours".

Alex is taken back by the comment. This girl has no clue who she is, where she's been, or what she knows. She takes the words in stride however, and practices lesson number 8….._there is a time and a place for everything…._

"You wanna talk about it? How'd you end up in the closet of the old restroom anyway?"

Alex lets her defenses down and hands the woman a shot of bourbon.

"Sure, what the hell…" Federov takes the tumbler and downs the amber liquid. She can feel it burn all the way down into her stomach and her nerves quiet down.

Alex swallows a hefty dose of the bourbon as well, letting it slide, warming her insides before answering.

"Well, I left campus for dinner, headed into town. When I got back, I thought I'd familiarize myself with this place and started walking around. I got to the gym and I saw you….I saw you working out, so I left and headed towards the restroom building. That's when I heard her….I didn't know Brianna, I thought maybe she was stuck, needed some help…I never thought for a second it would be an escaped mental patient for God's sake"…..

_Lesson nine…..never let your guard down and pick your battles wisely….._

Federov cocks her head "You've got a point counselor, BUT why the fuck would you risk getting yourself hurt or killed if it could be helped?"

Alex agrees "Touche….you my dear, have got a point as well. I have no excuse for that. I know better….do you know how many search warrants I've executed with my unit and the SWAT team? Probably double your age….I had blinders on….I put you at risk too Brianna….and I'm sorry."

The woman smiles "Nah…it's ok Alex….it was great practice for the real thing. At least I know I can knock a bitch out!"

Both women roar into laughter. Alex softens her eyes at the now blushing Federov "You're a tough cookie Bree…brains….braun….you're the real deal….complete package…NYPD is lucky to have you."

Federov can feel her stomach quiver at the compliment. She finds Alex completely captivating but knows she needs to tread lightly. This woman is way out of her league.

"Aw thanks Cabot….I'd say SVU and the NYPD is pretty lucky to have you too….and where did 'Bree' come from?"

Alex laughs "Boy….you don't miss a thing do you….."

Brianna rolls her eyes "Apparently I do…..you seem to feel I have an issue with paying attention to detail"….

Alex knew this was coming……. "Look, Brianna, don't take me putting you or any of the other recruits in your places from time to time, to heart. It's nothing personal and you _don't_ know everything. Granted, you know your shit….probably better than every cadet in there, but realize this….you have nothing to prove to me. I learned from a person near and dear to me, that the day you feel you know it all, it's time to hang it up and find a new career. Law enforcement Bree, is one of those jobs where you're always learning…..embrace it".

Federov looks truly enlightened "Thanks Alex……"

Alex smiles "No Federov….thank you….I owe you one….and I'm sorry….sorry about being a fool and trying to be a lone hero, sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable in class today….and I'm sorriest for all for treating you like a baby this morning when Robertson was yelling at you. I had no right to do what I did and the only person that looked dumb out there was me".

Federov winks at the ADA. "You didn't know Alex, you were just trying to protect me. How can I be mad at you for that? I was angry with myself and I took it out on you".

The woman puts her hand on Alex's shoulder calling a truce.

At that, Alex's phone rings and she answers it without looking at the caller ID.

"Cabot…….oh…hey you!" It's Olivia….she saw the missed call from earlier. She explains to Alex that she was at the hospital with a new victim. It appears Barnett is at it again.

Federov swallows hard. She heard the excitement in Alex's voice and knew the person on the other end of the line was more than a friend or co-worker. She was perceptive, probably too perceptive for her own good, and this was something she knew she'd have to keep in check. She didn't know why, but all of a sudden a tinge of jealousy rocked her soul.

The recruit waves at Alex and mouths "I'll see you tomorrow…." Alex nods and closes the door.

Olivia's voice is like her saving grace. She just wishes the detective were here to hold her. She rolls around the notion of telling Olivia what had happened earlier and knows this isn't a good idea. She knows the detective all too well, and wouldn't put it past her to drive all night just to be at her side. She doesn't need any more distractions and knows Friday will be here soon enough. She'll fill Olivia in then. She escaped unharmed, except for her ego and psyche, and tells her detective she loves her before bidding her a good night.

_Lesson ten…..some things are better left unsaid, for what one doesn't know, can not harm them….._

Before going to bed, Alex opens a notepad and jots down all ten 'lessons' from the day. They were going to be her new daily affirmations and figures they will make for a fine progress report for Olivia to give to Liz on Sunday. Not bad for day two….Alex says to herself…"I think I'm actually learning something here……"

Alex puts her ear buds of her ipod in place, and closes her eyes to the soft and comforting voice of Ingrid Michaelson….._Tomorrow is a new day….I love you Liv…._

"If you were falling, then I would catch you.  
You need a light, I'd find a match.

Cause I love the way you say good morning.  
And you take me the way I am.

If you are chilly, here take my sweater.  
Your head is aching, I'll make it better.

Cause I love the way you call me baby.  
And you take me the way I am.

I'd buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair.  
Sew on patches to all you tear.

Cause I love you more than I could ever promise.  
And you take me the way I am.  
You take me the way I am.  
You take me the way I am."

**TBC……**


	13. Chapter 13

*** Ok….so it's been a busy day full of writing!! I'm taking advantage of some time off to catch up here, as I may not be able to update for another week. Boooooo! I hope you enjoy and as always review review review….comment comment comment! Love you guys….be well until the next Chapter.

**Back up against the wall**

**Chapter Thirteen**

It didn't take long for the work load to start piling up. The last 24 hours have been pure hell for the SVU detectives. Their latest victim, Gavin Wheeler was only 12 years old. _Was…._in the past tense, as Barnett now just took things to another level. All of his other victims lived to tell their horrific tales, but not Gavin. He never made it out of the ER.

Barnett has been in the wind since last week when SVU's case took a nose dive. The detective's were forced to let him go thanks to the technicality ADA Cabot brought to the table, even though she completely saved the case over all by pursuing the civil tort. They had no choice, but it was better at the time than no case at all. Barnett skipped before an arrest warrant could be secured.

Elliott pounded his fist against the wall of the crib "God Dammit!"

"El…c'mon, breaking your fist isn't going to catch Barnett. He will fuck up and we'll catch him"…..Olivia trying to be the voice of reason.

"Seriously Liv….he's gone and he might as well just give us the finger! He's laughing at us…. yeah, so he'll fuck up, but can we risk it at the expense of another little boy's life? We need to find Barnett and we need to find him _now_".

Elliott was right and Olivia knew it. Barnett is a sick fuck and knowing he's just gotten one over on the detective's is only going to fuel his deranged hunger even more.

The time is now. The unit needs to make their move and find Barnett before it's too late, and he sucks the life from another innocent child.

Cragen calls for a meeting and they gather in the center of the briefing room looking at the victim's faces plastered all over the media board. The eerie smile Gavin's picture pleads, sends a chill through Olivia. She looks to the Captain who speaks……

"What have we got people? I got the Chief of D's crawling up my ass and I need to fill him in".

Elliott is running point on this case now and he pipes up……

"Cap. I've got Munch and Finn tracking his finances…..credit cards, any recent purchases, transactions and hopefully any video footage….Morales over in TARU is running a ping on his cell phone and his laptop which was seized last week in the search….CSU put a rush on all trace evidence….Warner is examining the kid for any and all evidence with a fine tooth comb….the TAC team is conducting surveillance around all of Barnett's hangout's, his home, schools near his home, and playgrounds. Liv and I just spent 6 hours talking to some of Barnett's old victims who were willing to give us the time of day, and other than that…..hoping all this investigating yields us a break….soon".

Cragen nods and points a finger "No one goes home until this creep is caught. You work in shifts around the clock. Trade off sleep with each other in the crib, and call who you have to….we're in this one for the long haul. I've got everyone's over time covered. Every move you make goes through me…there's no room for cowboy shit….we work as a team. Am I making myself clear?"

Olivia sighs "Crystal…..I'll call Abby and let her know".

Cragen looks at Olivia "I've already taken care of that detective".

Olivia rubs her temples as she thinks about Alex, and wishes it were she that was coming to the prosecution rescue. Missing her is really adding to the frustration of it all. She wonders if it will get better once she sees her over the weekend.

"Liv….on a personal note, you seem distracted. Is everything ok? You seem to be taking ADA Cabot's absence pretty hard. Anything you want to share?"

_Son of a bitch! Am I really that transparent?_

"No Cap I'm fine….has nothing to do with Alex….I uh….it's just this case you know? Haven't had a cluster like this in awhile….especially with a dead kid, tends to compound things you know?"

Cragen nods "Fine. You let me know though if you need anything. If we capture Barnett, you're on track for leaving Friday evening for Ithaca".

Olivia forces a smile "Thanks Cap".

"I'm headed up to the crib. Update me with every move……"

Olivia makes her way to the break room making several pots of fresh coffee. No sooner does she put the water in the urns, and she hears Elliott yelling down the hallway.

"Liv!....Liv c'mon….Morales just called. He's got a trace on Barnett. Bleeker and 9th….he's on the move!"

Olivia looks confused as she runs behind her partner "El…that's the village….what is he doing down there?"

"Who knows! It's all we've got and we need to run it down!" Elliott is desperate and Olivia is afraid his judgment is getting clouded.

"El…what if it's a set up? That's 15 blocks from his home……"

"Liv….it's all. we've. got…you comin or not?"

Olivia follows as she'd never leave his side, but she radios ahead to the surveillance teams and lets them know of the location. She knows they'll get there before she and Elliott will, and hopefully provide eyes in the event Barnett is lurking.

The two detectives run down to the motor pool and jump into their unmarked. Elliott is driving as they screech into the night. Olivia throws the LED light onto the dash and they speed their way into the village.

The surveillance team radios Olivia…."Detective Benson…it's Foster….we got him…he's sitting at '_The Bean'_ coffee shop on Bleeker and 11th……."

"Got it! We're about 3 blocks away….hold your positions!" Olivia calls Munch and Finn to let them know to call the Captain and fill him in that they are closing in on Barnett.

"Finn…it's Liv….we've got Barnett pinned down at '_The Bean_'…Bleeker and 11th….you and John get to his apartment NOW! Just in case he skirts us, I want his residence covered and secured".

"You got it Liv….we're on it!"

"Detective Benson….it's Foster again….listen….Barnett….he has someone else with him….a little boy….we didn't see him at first….but he's there, sitting in a booth next to him."

The look in Olivia's eyes are of pure terror. Who is this new child? Olivia screams into her cell phone "Finn….call Morales….tell him we need his help researching all new missing persons reports….he's got another little boy! Hurry Finn!"

"Ok Liv….I'll make the call. We're almost at Barnett's apartment….make your move!"

Elliott gives Olivia his 'do or die' look and he parks the unmarked about half a block away. They don't want to spook Barnett, or worse….force him into taking his newest victim hostage.

"This is Benson! Everyone hold your positions! We are making our approach…." She hisses into the police radio and as she and Elliott get closer to the coffee shop, Elliott motions for her to take the far East side of the building, while he hovers near the front door.

They both see him now. Barnett has his filthy hands all over the tiny boy who can't be much older than 5 or 6. The child is trying to eat a brownie and squirms in his seat as the monster grabs him under the table.

Finn yells into Olivia's ear piece "Liv! I think we got a positive on the kid….his name is Joey Capote….the 2-5's uniforms just took a report from Mom who said she took Joey to Abington Square for a puppet show this evening. She turned around for a minute to buy the kid a balloon and BAM! He was gone….."

Olivia pants out of breath "How old?!"

"Mom said he's 5….red hair and wearing a green and yellow t-shirt with tan cargo shorts, by the way, Warner just called Munch. She found Barnett's DNA on the Wheeler kid. We got what we need to nail him on that too".

Olivia nods her head as Elliott watches and hones in on her body language. "Got him! It's definitely Capote….." Olivia gives Elliott a 'thumbs up'. "Ok Finn, good news, thanks".

She whispers into the police radio "Have a take down team stack outside the rear door of the business…take 8th Ave so there aren't a bunch of cops making themselves obvious swarming in the street out side the store….."

"Affirmative Detective….this is Hardwood….we're stacked already at the back…just waiting on you guys".

Olivia motions for the 'go ahead' and for a split second things seem to move in slow motion. The detective can't hear anything except for her own heart pounding in her ears.

She watches as Elliott storms the side entrance, and as the take down team forges ahead through the back. With her gun drawn, she busts the East door. They have him….dead to rights. She can't see a weapon on the pervert murderer, and she's extremely aware of her crossfire as she jams the barrel of her Glock into the back of Barnett's head.

She grits her teeth "Roy Barnett! Slowly take your hands off Joey Capote and put them where I can see them! I swear….you make one false move, and I _will_ put your brains on display in front of you….."

Barnett's eyes are wide and he swallows hard. He does as Olivia says and realizes his gig is up. He can see he is surrounded. Guns point at him from every direction.

With a last ditch effort, Barnett squeals "He was lost! I swear! You've got it all wrong…I….I was just trying to help him….."

Olivia glares as she yells "Yeah? Were your hands lost too when they were between the kid's legs just a few minutes ago?"

Elliott takes over and has his way with the child molester.

"Shut up douche bag and use your right to remain silent. Roy Barnett, you are under arrest for the rape and murder of Gavin Wheeler, the lewd and lascivious behavior of exploiting a minor, kidnapping and aggravated child abuse of one Joey Capote, not to mention the rape of little Mr. Cavanaugh". Elliott has a twisted shit eating grin on his face as he spews the information in Barnett's face.

Elliott holsters his weapon and cuffs Barnett "You alright Joey? It's ok buddy we're the police….we don't want to hurt you….it's ok…my name is Elliott and behind you is my partner Olivia. We're gonna bring you back to your mommy ok?"

The little boy starts to cry and he wraps his tiny, quivering arms around Olivia's leg. She picks Joey up and cradles him in her arms while kissing his head and closes her eyes…. "Shhhhhh….it's ok Joey….it's ok….you're safe now".

Joey whispers in her ear "The bad man….he touched me Olivia….on my pee pee".

Her heart breaks as she feels the child's breath on her neck. "It's ok sweet heart. You're gonna be ok….you did nothing wrong ok?" She makes eye contact with the little boy in her arms, and smiles through the tears that well up in her deep brown eyes. He shakes his head 'Yes' and sticks a thumb in his mouth before resting his weary dome on her shoulder.

The SVU command center is a block away, and when she arrives, Olivia hands Joey back over to his extremely worried but grateful mother. Cragen is there too, along with Finn and Munch.

"Good work Olivia". Cragen puts a hand on the detectives shoulder. "Abby is waiting for you back at the station, along with Barnett's attorney".

"You're serious…..how are we gonna question him Cap?" Olivia slaps a hand to her forehead utterly perplexed.

"Take a deep breath Liv….have faith in Abby, she's not about to cut corners or deals. Between the physical evidence Warner's collected so far, and the situation at hand with the new victim, we're in the driver's seat. Go nail that son of a bitch to the wall. We'll take care of statements and can schedule a sit down in the morning with Joey. His mother is on board and wants to prosecute".

Olivia nods and she and Elliott are on their way to finally put Barnett in his eternal resting place.

The two exhausted detectives walk into the bullpen and back to interrogation room #1. Olivia is met outside by Abby, and Elliott enters the room kicking the door behind him shut. Both women watch in silence as Elliott rolls up his sleeves and slams down pictures of one very dead Gavin Wheeler in front of Barnett.

They all take great pleasure watching Barnett and his lawyer squirm. Abby looks at Olivia and smiles. "I'm forging ahead with this Liv. No deals, straight to trial. I'm sure a jury will see this guy for the monster he is and we'll get the conviction. I um….I know how hard you've all worked on this case, protecting the victim's and I….I won't let you down….I promise".

Olivia smiles the first real smile she's _felt_ in awhile and hugs Abby "Thank you……for the sake of Gavin Wheeler, the Cavanaugh's and now little Joey…..thank you".

Abby is rigid and doesn't quite know how to take the physical advancement from the usually cold and overly professional detective. She hugs Olivia back, and can feel the woman sob into her suit jacket.

"Liv…..hey….it's ok….it's going to be ok….go on, get out of here. It's done for the night. I'll stand by while Barnett gets processed and delivered to the tombs. There's no chance in hell he's making bail. When I demand remand, Petrovsky will oblige with pleasure, I know it."

As tears stream down Olivia's face she nods at Abby in agreement. "Ok…I'm outta here, Elliott is done. Barnett's lawyer is calling it….."

As Elliott separates from Olivia in the hallway, he grins "Good work partner….see ya in the morning".

"You got it El…." Olivia winks and heads out the door for home. She looks at her watch and cringes when she sees its nearly 3:30am. All she wants to do is collapse in Alex's arms, but she can't. Instead, she picks up her phone and dials.

A very sleepy and stunned voice answers "Liv? Liv what's wrong? Are you ok?" Olivia tilts her head back and closes her eyes…..

"Yeah…yeah baby I'm fine….I'm sorry….it's the middle of the night….I….I just couldn't wait to tell you…..we got him Al….we got Barnett….it's over sweetie".

Alex jolts out of bed "Over? Wha…? I mean how the hell is it over Liv?"

"Ughhh….it's a long story….I'll catch you up on Friday but trust me ok? It's done….we caught him with another victim and apprehended him before he had a chance to inflict any more pain or damage."

Alex sighs a lung full of relief and falls back onto her bed….."Thank God…..Liv I'm so proud of you…..I wish I could hold you right now….I miss you so much".

The detective smiles "I love you Ally….go back to bed….I know you've got a long day ahead of you….one more day baby….one more day and we're home free".

Alex can feel her groin start to burn and her nipples harden. She hangs up with Olivia and falls asleep with a large grin on her face, as she thinks very indecent thoughts of her sexy detective.

Olivia is asleep the second her head hits the pillow. She murmurs Alex's name and holds the Harvard t-shirt under her, clad in her left hand….it's the next best thing to the real thing. Tomorrow will bring the final touches to a very tumultuous and emotional case for the entire SVU team. The dawn of the new day holds promise and reassurance for them all, that this is why they do what they do.

**TBC…..**


	14. Chapter 14

***** **Ok guys…. this is the chapter you've all been waiting for I think?! I tried to get it out as close to the weekend as possible, but I was having some issues with saving, transferring files, blah, blah, blah….. I hope you like the update and there is obviously a lot more to come, so stay tuned. Thank you so much for reading and as always….. please, please, please comment and review! ***

**Beyond a Reasonable Doubt**

**Chapter Fourteen**

Thursday comes and goes in the blink of an eye. Alex is confident her recruits are well prepared for their first exam tomorrow morning in Legal. Her nerves however, quickly turn to jell-o at the thought of Olivia and her arrival tomorrow evening.

She fields questions for nearly an hour after the long day of teaching. She assures her students and talks them into a group study after dinner, and as she turns to leave, she notices Federov leaning against her desk, staring at her. The young woman's face instantly stains a bright red. Brianna quickly looks down at her books, hoping Alex doesn't notice she's been caught gawking like a boy over flowing with puberty.

For once, Alex sees something different in the girl. She isn't her usual confident, calm, cool and collected self. She senses confusion, frustration…..despair, and decides to reach out.

"Hey Brianna….everything ok?" Alex walks towards the recruit.

_C'mon Bree….don't be a pussy…._

Federov's voice cracks, revealing a vulnerable side she disliked very much, but committed to answering the question the ADA asked, and then some.

"Yes….yes Cabot everything is fine….I uh….I don't know if….um….do you?....ah fuck it….do you want to grab some dinner tonight or something….with me?....I mean…you don't have to….I just thought….long day….hungry….you….me?"

Brianna stops. She can see the wheels in that perfect head of Alex's, grinding away. She notices her sharp blue eyes and how her dark pupils flare, almost swallowing the deep azure. She watches Alex struggle with the invite, and can smell fear.

Alex very rarely is at a loss for word's, yet finds herself in this predicament now. She quickly recovers, realizing her mouth is agape; she catches herself before the word "yes" escaped.

"Oh Bree, any other night of the week I'd say absolutely, but I have so much to catch up on tonight. Grading papers, putting the final touches on the exam and preparing for Monday….I'm…I um…am just gonna heat up some left overs I got yesterday, and call it a night….I appreciate the offer though".

The ADA nods her head, and her stomach churns as she watches the clearly wounded woman for a reaction. Federov just showed her ass, literally. Like clothes set out to dry, Alex leaves Brianna hanging. She knows her heart belongs to one person and one person only, but she is still plagued by the mystery of the short, brown haired, blue eyed phenomenon before her.

Brianna no longer can hear the blood surge through her ears and snaps to rather quickly, holding together her dignity….. "Yeah, you're right. I'm gonna hit the gym for a bit and turn in myself. Big day tomorrow…..Thanks Alex….for everything…… you are doing a great job so far, and I hate to admit that I'm actually learning from you…."

With a wink and a smile, Federov swiftly exits the room, leaving Alex to stand in her own shit for a moment. She feels lonely. The separation from her marriage to her job is painstakingly apparent. She's angry, angry that every person she knows is an acquaintance, a contact of work. She has no friends. She has no life. Period….and for the first time, Alex is disturbed by this notion.

_From Alex's Point of View_

I hate what you did to me. You ruined me. I was just a child, only 15 years old, and you violated me in ways I never thought imaginable. You stripped me of innocence; you ravaged my naivety, and sabotaged any self worth I ever had. Any relationship I dared to venture upon, whether it was friendship or otherwise, was and still is laced with doubt, distrust and fear. Fear that I can never be free of the life you stole, you raped from my body, from my soul.

Instead, I punish myself because I feel I am not worthy. Not worthy of friendship, not worthy of living life the way I should be living life, not worthy of love. I am scarred; I am dirty, just like the victims I strive to help every day.

No amount of money can ever replace what you robbed from me, from my family. Even the Cabot giants can't fix me. My pedigree alone is not enough to repair the devastation that's been instilled. The Ivy League degree, the country club life style….it means nothing. I am no different than the prostitute that was attacked in lieu of dope. We are the same….on the inside.

I've been told in therapy numerous times that it wasn't my fault, yet I never believed it. You walked away from your crime a free man, yet I remain a prisoner, a slave, emotionally to you. I'm serving a life sentence, and it's not fair. I want to love…..I want to love _her…._I need to love _her…._I deserve to love _her…._but I am scared, terrified she will see me only as damaged goods, broken….beyond repair. I refuse to be loved by her out of pity. This is what I do, always…..I project my self conscious ways onto others, to rescue myself from what might never be. I need to give her more credit.

I work day and night, functioning sometimes on two hours of sleep and only coffee surging through my veins. I consume myself for _them…._I dedicate my blood, sweat and tears for _them….they_ are me, and since I can't help myself, I fight for _them_, the voiceless victims of sex crimes.

I want her to know how I hurt. I want her to know my fears. I want her to make it better because I know she can. I am over coming to terms with the fact that the love of my life is a woman. I realize I have more to lose if I don't commit to my feelings, and I am tired of fighting with a broken heart, a broken soul; a broken shell of a body. I have decided to take down my wall of defense and give her all of me…..before it's too late. I can _feel_ that she sees me for me. She looks beyond the power suits, the 'Ice Queen' court performance, the money, the politics….the _Cabot_ name. She doesn't care.

Deep down, she is a woman….a person….just like me, who sees the world like me, cries like me, is petrified like me and wants to be loved….just like me. I owe it to her, I owe it to me….I owe it to _us._ I've waited too long for Olivia Benson to be mine, and I will _not_ let my screwed up life ruin it.

Here in the quiet of my head, I forgive you. I will never forget, ever, but I know I can't move on until I forgive what you have done to me. I have every bit of confidence that some how you have, or you will, get what is coming to you. I will no longer be ashamed and I will share with her what you did. It's time….once and for all to put my past behind me, for good. I love you Olivia, now and forever…..and I promise you won't forget it after this weekend.

_From Olivia's Point of View_

How can I feel so happy, so full of love, yet so scared? What if she doesn't understand, I mean how could she? It's a lot to digest….accepting first of all that you are in love….with a _woman_….and secondly, that her only known family is a rapist and a deceased drunk; not a father and a mother. I don't know what a family is, yet I crave stability. How do you desire what you don't even know? I see Elliott glow, despite the tears, the family arguments, the ups and downs with Kathy and the kids. _I_ want that, before it's too late and I'm a 60 year old retired NYPD detective that has no one. I want to be happy, I really do, I just don't think I deserve it…._she_ deserves better than what I can give, what I have to offer and it's not a whole hell of a lot. I don't own much, just my Mustang. I rent my apartment, I have some money in the bank, but I'm no _Cabot _by any means_. _I have an education yes….but it's not a Harvard one. There is nothing in my fridge except old ketchup packets from the Deli and a 6 pack of beer. My entire purpose of getting out of bed in the morning is SVU. I gave my life up to save victims because it's all I know how to do. I'm a lost cause and I let go of taking care of me a long time ago. In return, what do I do? I rescue _them _from the horror, the pain, and the torment. I take care of _them_, I've become a voice of hope for _them_, and I give _them_ what I never had; some one to fight for _them_.

I've known Alex a very long time. Other than Trevor Langdon, and we all know how that turned out; I've never seen or heard of her in a relationship, or brag about dating like most normal women do. She is just like me, married to her work. She is loaded, comes from old money and a long line of trust funds. She's no ADA. She's a philanthropist for Christ sake for the city of New York. A woman like her doesn't work a job like this unless she has something in her past, something dark, something evil. Who hurt you Alexandra? Who scarred you so badly you _choose_ to slum your way everyday with the grunts of SVU, dealing day in and day out with death and destruction?

Maybe were more alike than I thought. Maybe I'm just too paranoid. Maybe I just need to give her a chance. I mean, she wouldn't have said what she said to me if she didn't mean it. You just don't return a kiss like the one I planted on her if you weren't some what intrigued….attracted…..turned on….._in love_.

She's telling you she loves you Olivia. That's huge. The "Ice Princess" just doesn't go around telling people she loves them. Believe her….trust her…..allow her to love you. You deserve her, she deserves you. Stop making it an issue and allow yourself what you've been denying yourself all these years. You can't be a detective forever and when all is said and done, even you, the great Olivia Benson will be a legend….no longer working and alone…..and for what? Live what life you have left, make her a part of it, beyond the bullpen, courthouse and crime scenes. Take her in, appreciate the gift.

I love you Alex Cabot, more than anything I think. After this weekend, you won't forget it either. When I set my mind to it, things will happen, I can promise you that.

_From Brianna Federov's Point of View_

I swore I wouldn't do this to myself. I need to concentrate. I came here to become a NYPD cop. I earned the chance of a lifetime. There are 300 other people that gladly would have taken my spot here at the academy, I can't blow this. I need to get her out of my head.

It's too soon after the split anyway to be chasing another skirt around. I can't help it though. Why did they have to send _her_? Couldn't they have picked some old retired guy that looks like a dried prune? What were they thinking? I mean, every dude here is hard up for her, and it's not like she's even trying. She could make a potato sack look amazing. What the fuck is it that makes me sweat the minute she's within my line of sight? I don't even know her! I really looked like an ass tonight asking her to have dinner with me. I didn't see a wedding ring….. it's been a week and she hasn't mentioned a boyfriend or husband yet. Maybe there is a chance…..I can't, this is wrong.

She said she was watching me the other night in the gym….who does that if they aren't even just a little bit curious? Quit while you are ahead Brianna, you are a train wreck just waiting to happen. I hate that I have little voices in my head right now playing tug o' war with my emotions…."Eh, go ahead, what do you have to lose?"………."Don't do it, you came here to become a cop, not to hook up".

Listen to me! This is horrible. I don't do things like this. I'm not a player, I'm not looking for my next piece of ass. She is an extraordinary being and I doubt little Brianna the dyke, wanna be cop from Long Island, has even so much as come across her mind. I really need to get over myself. I mean really…..I'm 27 years old, just graduated college and I haven't even earned a badge yet….I'm below rookie status….that sucks!

She I'm quite sure is nothing less than Ivy League, makes a shit load of money and is at least 5 years older than me. Why am I selling myself short though? I'm worthy of all that…..it may have taken me 10 years to get my degree, but I got it. I'm no dummy, I proved that to her day fucking one…… I'm kind of a force to be reckoned with. I saved her life after all, so maybe if I ask her to dinner again, she'll remember that and feel bad and take me up on the offer. Then I can show her, show her the real me…..that I'm not just some shallow egocentric freak that has a meaningless crush on her. I'm gonna go for it. I'll keep it on the down low though since we only have 4 weeks left until graduation. She'll see, once I trade these light blue blues for NYPD dark blues, and I'm rippin and runnin on the streets making decent collars, she'll have no choice but to love me, how could she not?

This Saturday Alex Cabot, I will have you all to myself, and you will know how I feel about you. I'm hoping I can make it a night you won't ever forget. You deserve to be treated like the princess you are.

**** 23:00 Hrs. Thursday night. Alex's cabin ****

The week's event's has finally caught up to Alex and for the first time since she got here, she is ready for sleep and welcomes it. She drifts off thinking of the exam in the morning and is confident her students will all at least get a 90%.

Her thoughts shift to her detective and she feels her heart ache. She knows Friday night is only hours away and she is thrilled. She wants to make the weekend as special and as relaxing as she can for Olivia. She knows the hours the detective must have been keeping this week were beyond extensive, and she knows she did it just so she could leave the city early to make it to the academy before dark.

Alex has a plan and she smiles to herself as she drifts off into a much needed and peaceful sleep.

It's 5am once again, and Alex wakes up to the faint stomping of boots and a cheerful cadence. She is getting use to the schedule, although it is strange for her not to be cunningly cutting down suspects before an audience of jurors, lawyers and a judge.

She decides that she will go to the mess hall this morning for breakfast. She will join her class and show a little more of her human side. Alex takes her time in the shower and selects a not so uptight outfit. She is clad in a pair of jeans, running sneakers and a dark blue polo shirt that DI Robertson got for her. It said "Academy Instructor" in bold gold lettering across the back. She places her black rimmed glasses in their respective case, and puts in her contact lenses. She doesn't feel the need or the pressure today to have to wear makeup, so she grabs her chap stick and shoves it in her front pocket and throws her hair into a loose pony tail.

_I could definitely get used to this…._

She enters the mess hall at 7:05 and makes her way to the coffee stand grabbing her usual. She then gets her food, a pile of powdered eggs, greasy bacon, an everything bagel with butter, and a bowl of fruit. She seats herself as she is the only one besides kitchen staff in the room. One by one she watches her class file in the door all freshly showered and decked out in their class 'A's'.

DeRosantis is the first to see Alex. "Hey hey! How's it going Miss Cabot? I'm glad to see you've finally taken us up on the offer to hang out with us for a meal".

Alex smiles "Hey DeRo…..I figured what the hell it's Friday, besides we can probably get some Q and A in before the exam".

DeRosantis winks at Alex and taps his index finger to his head "Ah ha! I like the way you think….."

Alex laughs a little and takes in a deep breath. As the minutes tick on, more recruits find their way to the table and all greet the ADA kindly and with smiles. She eats as she listens to the playful banter between the classmates and every now and then, chimes in a smart ass remark of her own. Strangely enough, these people remind her of her family at the 1-6, whom she misses dearly, but realizes the people amongst her here, aren't much different.

It's 7:30 and Federov is the last to enter the dining hall. The chit chat and laughter come to a screeching halt. She stomps over and looks at DeRosantis who took up a seat to Alex's left. With a nod of her head she spits "Beat it DeRo…."

The recruit hurridly removes himself from the bench and says "Later Miss Cabot…." Alex is puzzled as she looks at Brianna "Um Bree, DeRo was sitting here and you just forced him to leave".

The class leader with an air of cockiness Alex didn't like one bit, retorts "Yeah well, they have to do what I say and when I say jump, they better answer with 'how high'….."

Sarcastically and clearly annoyed Alex sneers "You can't do that……he was sitting here and you made him get up".

Now an overly confident Federov crosses the line with Alex "What do you care Alex? _He_ took my seat and _I_ wanted it back".

"Took your seat? Bree you weren't even here….I mean you just got here….and what's with calling me Alex in front of the class? I thought things were supposed to be kept formal until after hours?"

Everyone at the table stopped and looked at their class leader. Recruit Banks who sat at the end of the table because there was no place else that could fit his 6'8" frame, grumbled…… "Girl….you just got served".

Burned. Federov can feel her face redden and her ears throb with blood. She wants to snap back at Alex but knows better than to do that. She tries saving face by saying "I needed to sit next to you because I have to talk to you".

Alex rolls her eyes "Then why didn't you just say that to him? He gladly would have given you his seat."

Bored with this conversation Federov dryly looks at Alex "Look, I get it ok? Sorry, I was wrong….are we gonna beat a dead horse here or can we move on?"

_Why does she remind me of Olivia in a really annoying way that I can't quite put my finger on?_

"Fine….it's Friday and I'm not going to get my so far so good day off on the wrong foot. What can I do for you Brianna?" Alex stares into the deep blue eyes of the recruit and gets lost for a second.

Federov cocks an eyebrow and gives a crooked smile "What are you doing tomorrow?"

Alex is caught off guard and quickly lets the question process before answering "Uhhh, well um I have a friend of mine coming this evening and she is spending the weekend."

Brianna looks away "_She?_"

"Yes….she….she would be detective Benson from the unit". Alex is very matter of fact yet still has a smile on her face.

"Oh, ok well that's cool then I guess, bring her along". Alex looks confused at the woman as she furrows her brows "Bring her along where?"

"The poker game tomorrow night. We do it every Saturday. " Brianna is fuming but she hides the emotion well.

"Gambling is illegal Bree and you guys should not be partaking in such activities as recruits on a law enforcement campus no less!"

Federov can't help but giggle "Relax Cabot, it's a penny pot. We aren't hard core or anything….geez….you need to lighten up and live a little. We just kick back, shoot the shit, smoke a couple of cigars and muster up some whiskey".

Alex isn't that surprised at what Federov had disclosed as their 'secret' recreational activity. She just feels it's her duty to instill good ethics and not support the idea, since she is after all an instructor, and has Liz Donnelly up her ass. Poker is a game not new to Alex. She's often included when Liv and the boys play every Tuesday night at Munch's place, on call or not.

_Cocky little shit…I'd show you a thing or two…._

"I don't think so Bree. Detective Benson and I pretty much have our weekend planned out and locked down".

Alex can't help but picture Olivia naked, in her bed, touching her, feeling her muscular frame rock against hers. She starts to sweat a little and quickly rubs her brow in order to hide the physiological response from the inquisitive Brianna.

Brianna looks to the ground as she answers Alex "Yeah…of course….I get it. No problem Counselor, I just thought we'd include you…..you know since you're kinda one of us"……

Alex smiles. She is touched by the response and puts a hand on Federov's forearm. "Maybe next weekend ok?"

"Whatever Cabot….I look at it like this….Detective Benson just saved your ass from an ungodly poker slaughter……see you in class". The recruit takes her tray to the garbage, dumps it off, throws the empty slab of worn plastic in a bin, and walks off.

Alex figured it out. _I think she likes me…oh god…this is going to be awful for her._

Alex huffs a sigh of frustration and walks to the classroom. _If it's not one thing, it's another._

The ADA spends the next 15 minutes answering what ever questions she can about the exam and quizzing the excited group of students. She likes this, this feeling of encouragement and assisting these people to hopefully become wiser cops.

Alex is confident her class will do well. She hands out the booklets she's prepared and looks at the clock. "Ok people….it's 9am. You have 3 hours to finish the exam. When you're done, hand your exam to me and leave the room. When everyone is done, I'll round you all back up and we will find out how we did. Good luck guys and girls….I'm sure you will all do fine".

The next 3 hours dragged on for what seemed like an eternity. When the last recruit handed Alex a packet, she looked at the clock. 12 noon on the nose. She stepped outside and put two fingers in her mouth, letting a high pitched whistle go.

"Nice Cabot! I'm impressed". Alex knows this voice and she knows it well. Her stomach drops and she feels as if she could vomit. She whirls around and sees the most magnificent sight she's ever seen……..Alex blinks several times just to make sure she is really witnessing the beautiful sight before her.

Alex struggles to find her voice, and what squeaks out just above a whisper makes her bright blue eyes well with tears of joy….."Oh my God…..Liv! It's you! It's really you….how did you….it's only……oh god…."

Alex runs towards the detective wrapping her arms around her and whispers in her ear….. "Liv….I've missed you so much. I can't believe you are finally here with me. I love you……." Alex places a subtle, secretive soft kiss behind Olivia's left ear and the detective shudders at the contact.

Olivia whispers back: "I've never completed DD5's so fast in my entire career. You are a sight for sore eyes yourself Counselor….I've missed you too". The detective inhales the familiar and sweet scent of Alex's hair before pushing off of her slightly.

The two flustered women quickly realize they are not alone, and can feel the glare of 35 rough, tough, can't get enough police recruits staring at them in amazement.

Realizing their too close for comfort display was witnessed by the entire academy, including DI Robertson, both women fight for composure.

"Um class….I'd like you to welcome a very special guest and dear friend of mine….this is Detective Olivia Benson from the 16th Precinct's special Victim's Unit".

The entire group of people started clapping and then headed back inside the classroom following the direction of the ADA.

Alex nervously glanced towards Brianna Federov and noticed she was staring hard at Olivia. The detective hadn't noticed since she gladly answered a rush of questions thrown at her from various recruits.

"OK people….let's settle down. If you guys want to get an early start to your weekend, I need your full attention so we can get these papers graded and turned in to DI Robertson".

Asses found seats quickly. So quick in fact, DI Robertson made a comment "I wanna see that kind of determination out there when I'm PT'ing you slugs!"

DI Robertson looks at Olivia and smiles slightly, trying to maintain his intimidating presence. "Welcome Detective. It's a pleasure to have you on campus. You ladies enjoy your weekend. Alex here has more than earned her two days off. I'm sure she'll tell you all about it". The massive man strides away and disappears towards the mess hall.

"Alex? What the hell happened here this week?" Olivia's jovial smile from a moment ago has now turned into a look of concern.

"Ummmm, yeah, not really a big deal. Its good Liv trust me. We got all weekend to talk. Let me get this finished up so we can get out of here".

Olivia not so sure she's buying the crap Alex is trying to sell, let's it go for the moment.

The brown haired beauty looks on in awe and pride, as Alex grades the papers and hands them back to her class. This is not the uptight attorney she was separated from only a week ago.

Alex gets up in front of the room and crosses her arms. She begins to pace back and forth, back and forth, just like she did when she owned the court room, and eventually faced the class. "So do you want the good news or the bad news first?"

A disgruntled sea of "Ughhhhhh's" and "Ahhhhhh's" escaped the crowd of nervous recruits. "Well…..the good news is you all passed, with at least a 90…..the bad news is……well, there is no bad news….have a great weekend you guys….and thank you for making my first week here awesome. Let's have a repeat of this next week…ok?"

Class was dismissed and a few recruits hung around talking to Alex and Olivia. Alex noticed one recruit in particular. Federov gathered her things and made a bee line for the door.

"Brianna…..Bree! Hey, come here, I want to introduce you to Detective Benson".

Federov glares at Alex and has a look of fear warn over her "Uh I have to go Miss Cabot….um I got some things I have to take care of….pretty important". The nervous recruit nods her head respectfully towards Olivia "Nice to meet you detective….sorry….I gotta run"……

With that, the young woman sprints out the door and heads to her dormitory. Alex and Olivia share a confused look before shrugging off the awkward introduction. "She's the one I've been telling you about. Great student, phenomenal shape….I think she's going to be one to keep an eye out for Liv".

Olivia could care less about anything right now except for the beautiful blond attorney. She finally realizes that the woman before her is wearing a polo shirt, jeans and sneakers. "Alex….I'm shocked…..I've never seen you this…..well, laid back before".

The ADA blushes at the compliment "You think this is laid back and relaxed…..wait till I get you back to my cabin".

Olivia raises an eyebrow and gives Alex one of her signature crooked smiles "Well then Counselor….what are we waiting for? We have some lost time to make up for"…….

**TBC………..**


	15. Chapter 15

** So this is where it gets hot, really hot! I think this maybe _my_ favorite chapter of all so far. Enjoy, and thanks for the great comments and awesome reviews. Keep em' coming! I love hearing from you all **

**Captured**

**Chapter Fifteen**

Joseph DeRosantis is a young man full of determination, physical as well as emotional strength, and pride. He is humble and introverted, however very quick to remind those around him, that kindness shall not be mistaken for weakness. He is sensitive and gentle, a man of few words, but the few and far between, are chosen wisely and said well.

He is by himself as he casually strolls to the gym and reflects the day's events. DeRo's heart is heavy tonight and so is his mind as he thinks about his best friend and wonders how he should go about approaching what it is he is feeling.

He looks to the west of the building, standing in the shadows, and watches the sobbing heap as it suffers alone. Slowly he walks over and sits beside the broken individual, both of their backs leaning against the concrete wall.

"Hey……"

Through sniffles, tears and swollen eyes, Bree puts her head on DeRo's right shoulder "Hey……."

"Tough day today huh? You want to talk about it?" He playfully punches Bree's left arm.

"I'm an idiot DeRo. That's what it comes down to…..sheer stupidity". Bree wipes salty residue from her cheeks and looks to her friend for an answer.

"C'mon girl….you're no idiot, but I gotta ask, why did you call me out like that today at breakfast?" Another thing about DeRo is, he wastes no time and gets right to the point.

"I'm sorry…..I don't know what got into me."

"I do……and I'm telling you now Brianna, you better leave well enough alone with Cabot. You got a lot at stake here, and I don't want to see you ruin it for some broad we all just met".

Bree scowls at DeRo "Broad? She's no broad Joe…..she's purely amazing. I'm in deep and it sucks. I know I have a lot on the line….I realize that…..believe me I do….. and this isn't easy for me man….but I can't ignore how I feel either".

DeRo nods his head in silence before he speaks again. "So what is it? I mean about her…..have you always been um…..gay I guess?"

Bree cracks a smile and laughs a little "You say it like I have 'cooties' or something. I don't know what I am…..I never thought about it…..I just know whatever it is she's got….I want it….."

DeRo turns himself around now sitting in front of the sullen girl and pleads……

"Bree….c'mon…..trust me, you and me….we're tight and you know I'd never get in your shit unless I really felt I needed to….listen to me, please….Cabot is a lost cause for you. You wanna be a cop, and you're gonna be one hell of one….she's uptown man….she don't go for grunts like us."

Bree can feel a fire start inside of her and snaps ……."How do you know? You don't know a damn thing about her and you're judging her! Ugh…..this is so stupid! You are wrong about her, but you're right about me dropping this crush I got like a lead balloon."

Bree fixes her shoelaces on her running shoes and gives a confused look to DeRo

"Dude…you just said she wouldn't go for grunts like us….then what the hell do you call Detective Benson? And why the fuck is she up here spending the damn weekend? That is one lucky bitch".

DeRo puts an arm around his buddy "Lemme tell you something ok? You Miss Brianna…. are one fine woman, tough as nails, sexy as hell, and when you get to the NYPD, there will be plenty of bitches eatin their hearts out over you….let this sleepin' dog lie…."

As bad as she feels about Alex, and realizing she needs to let this one go, she is grateful for her friend smacking her back into reality….literally.

"They work with each other Bree….you know how it is for law enforcement. They…..we….will become our own entity….our own brotherhood…..no offense….chicks are in that mix….. I see you eyeballin me".

Bree laughs and can't keep a straight face "Yeah yeah yeah……you're right…..maybe they're secretly working some hot case together".

DeRo interjects "Or….they are just best friends….like us….partners…..and maybe Benson missed her girl….you know? But to get all jealous over this shit ain't worth it….that's not you…..not how you roll…..you're better than that".

Bree bashfully looks down at the ground and can feel her cheeks start to glow "Awww thanks DeRo….maybe we'll luck out and end up in FTO at the same precinct. I'll gladly do 20 plus years with you old man!"

Bree jumps up and starts to sprint away giggling. DeRo is close is tow. They jog their way back to the dorms as Bree turns to her out of breath cohort "Texas Holdem?"

The young man grins "You know it!"

**Short Notice**

After the recruits dispersed for the weekend and DI Robertson excused himself back to his residence down the road, Olivia took Alex by the hand….

"C'mon Alex….I've got something waiting for you, something special". She gives the ADA her crooked, sexy grin and the two head to Alex's cabin.

When they get to the porch, Olivia walks ahead of Alex and opens the front door. "After you Counselor……"

Tears instantly well in Alex's blue eyes at the sight, and it melts Liv's heart. The blond walks in and is greeted by lit candles all around the tiny living room. The low drone of sweet jazz is playing on the portable ipod dock, the small kitchen table is draped in a cloth and set perfectly. A bottle of sauvignon blanc is chilling on ice and dinner is warming in the tiny efficiency stove.

Alex whispers as she stares in amazement "Liv….how did you do? When?....."

"I was here early this morning, I couldn't sleep….I drove all night. I watched you leave for class and that's when I began my dirty work". Olivia smiled and her heart pounded.

"Olivia Benson….you are one incredible woman….do you know that? And I am the luckiest ADA in Manhattan….."

Alex has never experienced such generosity, such a romantic and kind gesture in all of her life. Olivia Benson was as true and as real as they come, and she was hers….all hers.

Alex walks over to Olivia and without saying a word, places both of her hands on either side of the detectives head. She pulls her into her and kisses her, long, deep and passionately. Alex's tongue finds its way into Olivia's eager and open mouth, and the detective welcomes it, sucking it hard.

Both women are out of breath and they can feel themselves losing control. "Alex…..Alex….let's take a break…..uh Jesus….I feel like I'm going to lose it right here and I don't even have my clothes off yet….."

It's difficult, but Alex releases her grip on the detective "You're right….lets eat….it smells wonderful….we have all weekend and I need to get my caloric intake up if I'm going to ravage you for the next two days straight".

"Is that a threat Counselor?" Olivia sneers at Alex with a devilish grin.

"No Detective…..that's a promise".

The two women enjoy the dinner of chicken marsala, mashed potatoes and salad that Olivia worked so hard to prepare. Alex was shocked that the detective could actually go beyond boiling water.

"Liv….I'm impressed. I had no idea you could cook like this….it's absolutely delicious."

Olivia's cheeks flush and she looks at Alex "Thanks….I actually love to cook….I just…I just never had a reason to…..until now".

The two women do what little dishes need to be washed and once they are satisfied, make their way to Alex's bedroom.

It's quiet….dead quiet and dark. They want it that way. No words are spoken and the only sound heard was that of each woman's heart.

Olivia started. She gently wrapped her arms around the tall blonds waist and kissed her neck. Alex groaned at the sensual touches of Olivia's lips. Their mouths once again found each other and the kissing was intense. Alex grabbed at Olivia's shirt and pulled it up over her head and threw it to the ground.

She strategically placed a trail of kisses from Olivia's neck down to her chest, and cupped the detective's breasts in her hands. She pinched her erect nipples through a black lace bra, and carefully slipped one strap at a time from the muscular shoulders.

Olivia moaned and could feel her mound swell and drown in wetness. Alex fumbled with Olivia's black leather belt, stripping it from the loops of her tight black pants. Olivia stared her down, her eyes pleading with the attorney, starving for what they have both waited three long years for.

Alex pulled Olivia's pants down leaving her clad in a sexy pair of underwear. Instinctually, Olivia pulled Alex's polo shirt off and stood staring at her for a moment before unclasping her bra from behind. Alex stood before her detective bare chested. Olivia pushed Alex back onto the bed and slid her jeans off revealing a pair of pink panties.

Olivia took Alex's left nipple into her mouth, rolling the hard flesh over her tongue and biting down gently on the sensuous nugget. This elicited an excited scream of pleasure from the ADA. Olivia could feel her sex burn as she moved from the left nipple to the right, giving it just as much attention.

Alex has never felt herself so wet, as she was right now. "Uh….Liv…..please….go inside of me…." Alex's hips were rhythmically coming up off the bed, longing towards Olivia.

This was the first time either woman has been with the same sex, but they sure as hell figured out quickly how everything was supposed to go.

Olivia slowly removed Alex's underwear and tossed them across the room. She laid on top of the blond and could feel her warm, soaked pussy on her thigh and it whirled her head with sheer ecstasy. Olivia kissed Alex's open mouth and slid a finger up and down the swollen and slippery clit. Alex groaned begging Olivia to go inside of her. She placed a finger inside of the warm sex, and plunged it deeper into the woman. Her palm was now rubbing along the folds of Alex's mound.

The attorney began to clamp down on the detectives hand and Olivia not wanting her girlfriend to release just yet, slowed her rhythm down considerably. "Uhhhhh…..Liv…..uhhhhhh…..god….please…..fuck me…..fuck me please!"

Olivia pulled her finger from the pulsating womb of flesh and rocked her thigh between Alex's legs. She moved her body faster and faster up and down. The blond below her was soaked with sweat and writhing in angst. Olivia has never felt this much passion, this much lust….this much love and it was purely intoxicating.

"Oh no counselor….you're not going to get what you want from me that easily". Olivia found herself discovering her own body, pinching her own nipples, and rubbing her own erect clit from time to time.

Olivia once again placed a finger, then two inside of her girlfriend. She moved the digits in and out matching the pulse of Alex's hips which were now climbing towards the ceiling. Alex panted out of breath and Olivia knew she was close. She withdrew her fingers and spread Alex's legs. Olivia tasted her lover for the very first time and knew she was instantly addicted.

Olivia took Alex's rock hard clit in her mouth and twirled her tongue around it, before nibbling it to near orgasm. The detective pushed her tongue in as far as it would go and listened to Alex moan with every flick. Olivia reached up grabbing Alex's hand as their fingers interlaced. Alex now rubbed her pussy hard and fast along Olivia's tongue. She could feel her gut contract and she bucked several times before collapsing in the arms of Olivia Benson. Alex let go……she let the last 15 years of her life go with the powerful orgasm, and knew she was finally able to move on from her tortured past.

"Oh my god…..Liv….that was…..that was the most amazing sex I've ever had". A huge smile overcame Alex's face and her chest flooded with love as she grabbed Olivia and hugged her…..held her….kissed her own sex from her lips "I love you Liv…..so very much…..I'm glad we are finally together and this is really happening for us".

Olivia smiled back kissing the bridge of Alex's nose. In an instant, Olivia was flipped onto her back and the fever returned.

"It's my turn now Liv……be a good girl and do as you're told". Alex smacked Olivia's ass and stripped her of her panties.

Olivia spread her legs as the attorney fell between them. Alex could feel how wet her girlfriend was and worked hard to get both of their pussies lined up to grind on one another. The sensation was pure heaven. Olivia turned her head and bit the pillow next to her muffling her cries.

"Alex……please…..put your fingers in me…..I want to feel you". Alex obliged and stuck two fingers inside of Olivia. She matched the detectives rhythm and pulled her fingers out from time to time to rub them along the bloated and silky clit. She sucked the detective's nipples on her considerably large breasts, and bit down hard. The woman cried for more and Alex pleased with her performance so far, decides its time to lick and flick her detective into an explosive orgasm.

Alex buries her head between Olivia's legs. She runs her tongue playfully up and down the slippery folds of Olivia's pussy. She flicks her tongue fast on the erect bundle of nerves, then stops and blows cool air on to the pulsating purple nob.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Alex……you tease!" Alex grinned and then went in for the kill. She took her long arm and pushed the detectives chest back down towards the bed, pinning her there. She buried her tongue deep inside of Olivia's abyss and fucked her as hard, yet as lovingly as she could.

Olivia screamed at the top of her lungs, expelling years of pent up anger, depression and frustration. Alex clamored to cover Olivia's mouth as she giggled. "Shhhhhhhhh…….Liv! You'll wake the entire academy!" Olivia threw her hips into the air as they seizured uncontrollably.

"You're right Alex…..that was by far the best, most amazing sex I've ever had……I love you sweetheart". Alex rested her head on Olivia's chest and they both drifted in and out of sleep, purely exhausted. They repeated the sexual chemistry over and over again until 4am…..either woman had anything left…..they were spent…..for now.

Naked and covered in each others sex, they curled up under the blankets. Alex spooned Olivia, and they finally drifted off into a deep and peaceful sleep. The realization has hit the both of them that they are lovers, they are the best of friends, they are a part of each other, and it's where they will long to be forever, with each other, never apart again.

**TBC……..**


End file.
